Paris is burning alright

Back from Pariee

I didn't fall in Love with the city but I like

my Paris was tres bien as I aimlessly wondered around, giving up on map reading and discovered the best haunts of Paris which made the idea of getting lost a fortunate experience.

voila

I really would like to learn french and be fluent enough to converse with the nation as I think their language is very much similar and a reflection to there culture and the way they put themselves across to the rest of the world.

The french are rude. IMMENSELY rude

humm

not in the mood to finish this post

to be continued when more enlightened...

Dancing days

lets look at the present

I got an outing in the making

good times and dancing in the following hours

my deserved incentive i promised myself

got the deadline done & dusted

mind, a new deadline in waiting to cull me

any yo

Dance is mine

Good times on the roll

and my next hurdle is what to wear

I feel so out of the loop

what are all the 'cool' kidz wearing these days

do they even wear clothes?

whats the 'in' thing

aghast

don't give a shit

I'll rock this one out

plus the southern kids don't dress to dance

ever been to a rave and see the neon lights bounce off statuesque people

standing solemnly solid

it's shocking

it's like that time the cast of Fame musical came into bar i worked at, looking to go to a rave after

i give more credit to musical drama kids trying to let go and rave than the southerners oh so pretentious that a slightest swagger could knock the dicky bow tie out of place or the faded out girls who had starved themselves two nights running to fit in the sheer american apparel all-in-one dress

so void it makes me barf

vague

no fucking way

you know when the curious gets the best of you

or somewhat karma

really choking you up

ok

just doing some light innocent reading...

(frantic finger clicking browsing action)

some girl

(unbeknown to me)

is friends to the ex-lover

(did they shag? hit it off?)

is somewhat 'friends' with THE Boy in the band

(A boy that I previously had a connection with way back when)

With ex-lover previously giving me grief over who is the ex-Boy (then not yet) in the band

(you what..)

do I want to call her cheap disco indie whore

(maybee)

Past is history and history is the past and forgotten

what difference does it make

and this serves me right for ruining my sleeping pattern so I am scouring the net at 7.55am in the morning

the devil will find work for idle hands to do

macaroons

Paris

7 more sleeps yo!

need to get these things done before leaving

get my trusty boots re-healed

get a haircut

shit i have a belly ache from listening to Glee

eugh

Got me

I got my clenched fist punching the air

and drawing it back

what can I say

its got me

Glee

Amaze

Amaze

hold on to that feeling Don't Stop

You got me good

times iii

entry continued by my talk of shivering

I consumed this substance in the toilets

after I halved it with my then-lover who had drove up to see me for our second meeting

everyone I knew was out that night

it was one of the best nights when you know everyone that it makes even the strangers become your friends

just one of them nights were everyone is feeling the love

for some messed up reason I left the club and went back to mine with my then-lover

I have a lot of blanks of this night

I feel really empty about not being able to trace where this time went and what happened

But I always think back to when I was shaking and shivering vigorously

the then-lover gripped me on both of my sides of my arms like I was a plank of wood

I lay there shaking convulsively and incoherently

I remember I just looked up to him and stared at his eyes

my body and the neck tensed up and froze but yet I was jittering uncontrollably

he lay next to me, with the duvet wrapped around me and hugged his arms across me

you have to stop this. listen to me just try

I have never felt so disengaged and the feeling I got was an empty shell. I remember thinking about what is this feeling, if theres one thing I need to understand is this and to make sense of how I have become to this state. Looking into the eyes of someone that is so worried and fearful of my life, I saw his emotion and heard his words to regain your senses and concentrate and come back to me.

in the morning i turned my head and looked at him

you was real scary lastnight

you was gone

your eyes

you probably should've died

you probably should've died

that was the feeling

combo

Milk Tea with honey

hummus and oat cakes

nutella and oat cakes

pesto noodles

all my creations

they don't sound right

but they taste so good

just an opinion

okay I'm on a sickly buzz

a caffeinated buzz

I'm a fragile state when it comes to caffeine

it annhilates me

i'm shivering like i'm in the arctic circle like a spindly white fox trotting across the snowland

this is what caffeine does to me

damn you tetleys tea

damn you

ok ok

All Blue // Sigma

trusty old favourite

oui

oui

oui

incentive

a little mental note to self

i'm getting ahead of myself here but any yo

i will be treating myself to a hardcore rave outing

whether I fail or its a success

I've seen a line-up with fake blood and other djs to die for

yeah!

i can feel it already

sweet music to my ears

the base

the drop

strobe lights

noise

here we go

go go go

if i pull this off

i may just

it will be the massive-ist achievement to record

and almost kind of hoax to academics

not going to mention what it is at the mo incase i jinx it

fingers crossed

and toes

hustler

im on a roll

work mode as my deadline is in the mist

i die i die

cue the dnb

if my freakin itunes won't stop freezing

i'm thinking its photoshop thats slowing my laptop down

which is rubbish

silent chair dancing this deadline away

habit

also

alas I am trying to wise up my language

nothing too extreme to forget who i am of course

but i need to get my writing skills up to scratch for work that has been untouched from procrastination and blatantly blaming it on the excuses of guests coming around and having to host.

Also less swearing and trying, as it makes me wince when I across it vocally and in text form

a lot of documentary watching and book reading has been done to implement this

any yo

chuss

mellow yellow ii

not to want to make the previous post seem so obsolete

but what up

Organic // Marco V & Sando Van Doorn

creamdfields 10 years album

got to carry on

busy

busy

i'm not perfect

//

I hate to sound like a horoscope

some of my fellow friends can be so demanding it gets really draining at times

a particular friend is the most negative person I have ever come across

in contrary to this blog I admit I will be grumpy at the most

But I have perks in my life life can't get too bad no?

what do you do when you have a friend that is a constant leech, that has no desires to life, admiration or drive to make something out of your life

I know she is lost at the moment, incredibly lost in life as am I.

But suck it up, I'll soldier on and make things happen to change and stop looking for negatives

I know she first befriended me she took to me as safety net to life, taking the same paths and footsteps that I take. No joke, it is and still is incredibly draining as she is seeking for direction and dictation on what to do next in her life. But of course, I look up to people for advice and they can knowingly leave me to it because I'll figure it out.

How do I go about this without seeming like a cold hearted friend and awfully selfish when I need her to find her own path and figure it out and mature in her own way.

I hope she still doesn't rely on eating jacket potatoes with cheese every day

this is a hard post

i don't know what to make of it myself

Priorities

i need to get some order in my life

one sec

lets just change the musik on my itunes

some dodgey funk trance is rolling

gutterpunk // Noisia Ft. Rebecca Riley // Creamfields album

waht?? ehm yuh lets skip that funky beat

Any yo

i was thinking about trying to include those click to play music so that maybe it can give a gist of my current moods.

although sometimes i find them abit tedious and off putting when i see them on a web page

I have quite dynamic moods that go from extremes

bi-polar mood?

feeling erratic at the moment

i've figured if i listen to more faster pumping tunes i work quicker??

albeit i seem to chair dance and raving more, which is distracting me from the objective of doing work

and aghast my new deadline is looming again

never learn never learn

writings

god i have some patience

especially when it comes to speaking to my mother on the mobile phone

she's still coming to terms with this gadget

its been a good few years you'd think she'd get the hang of it already??

watched a documentary about diaries

how they are deemed as clever tokens of memories if they are discovered

clever because the writer can edit and detract whatever they care to share and the reader will never know

'with my finger hovering over the delete button'

quote Richard E Grant

you'll always read the writers point of view and never realize some of the information is exaggerated and other parts toned down or concealed over

very selective

a part of me thinks that a diary is written because it is waiting to be discovered and wanting to be read, in a diary you are writing to someone in conscience, scripting in a narrative and a tone that adheres for someone to read, just like a letter that comes through the post is automatically a reflex to fix yourself onto what the letters and words make sense of.

its all such a strange process

and the feeling of writing this post makes me want to delete this, but then how will anyone ever know that this thought ever existed

for instance now, i am being prickled by these green fern thorns that have been shed from the bouquet of flowers i received for my birthday. Its gotten absolutely everywhere, in my bed, on my face and fallen into my tea.

A complete nightmare

food shoppage

well seeing as the weather has been silly chaotic

well not really just snow and ice etc

the food supplies in le house are hitting the pits

i have just munched on 2 packs of them soda biscuits that lie in the biscuit tin since forever

desperate measures of survival eating right

just piled a shopping list that i am going to WALK to the shops for

i don't mind as this will be my chance to bust the fat out of my petite body

serve me right for eating the tube of family sized smarties

not clever

pesto

rooibosh tea

yoghurt

mushroom soup

grapes

etc

G rap

a day at the races // jurassic 5

thats all

for now

chuss

drinking flowers

got chrysanthimum tea with honey by my laptop

its good for the throat and eyes

i woke up today by this noise outside and saw my neighbour kindly clearing my side of the driveway of snow, which i thought was such a nice thing to do and then rolled back in to bed

my thoughts are all over the place today

i had a load of dream sequences going on that i remembered from sleeping

feel really numb today

nothing interesting just blank today

its one of them days where you float on by

adios

moody

im in a pleasant mood today

listening to

us // regina spekor

feeling mellow and quite chilled out

got my mood-lighting turned on in my room which creates a cool hombre atmosphere

i feel quite empty today even though i have masses of things to do

maybe it will all fall in to place today

musik

Strobe (Plump DJs Remix) // deadmau5

mega music to dance and shake in bed if i can't get to sleep

i like it when the piano bit comes in

it reminds me of the 90s era around the northern night scene in manchester

being away from from my hometown

i feel like i am slowly dying and progressively losing my identity

with the old faces asking for my return i feel even more shit

inbetween

caring

its such an odd emotion

whats it all about

too much makes you unbearable

not enough makes you a cold bastard

and then thats when i try and be breezy and subdued to counter this odd emotion

i wonder if they catch my drift?

i'm thinking I sound different in this new year

change is good right?

keeping it casual

why is it that when you want to be loved

its the wrong kind of love

from the wrong person

and all i can think about is wanting something else

how luck falls elsewhere and i'm on this shit running streak of bad luck

damn

holla

i learnt these specific words from a child

fuego and Estoy matando

thats spanish for fire and I am killing

ehm yeh

my family are interesting

just to clarify more the dad of the kid explains 'he is murdering'

its all good

i came away from child's play brawl with bruises to the legs and the foot

it's alright i'll get the maid to wash it

happy overindulgence and hello to the new beginnings

feeling rather spongey and less out of focused for the start to this year

and breathe

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lets groove it and move it