hot times

just had a funny memory from looking back 2007 pictures


there's this top, well kind of casual dress

that i knew was a sure win that would make this guy i was seeing want to sleep with me


'why are you so dressed up at this time of night?'

-i'm not, i have just got back in from town and done some shopping


next thing i know he threw me onto the bed

and he was all over me and he was at it like a racehorse

pow


anyway

i just found that top/dress

and i haven't worn it since my cunning plan


which has got me thinking...

hippy shake

if i really hate hipsters

and would know one if i saw one

but with all the information

just does this make me a fucking hipster?


nahhhh


too fat be to identified as one


oh finally after recovering from ankles injury

i invested in some running trainers

(getting serious!)

back on my mini running programme i am devising myself for a couple of events where i feel i need to be slimmy skinny jane

kind of ruined my hardcore efforts today

white sandwich and crisps

darn it

especially freaking white bread with butter
at midnight

fuck you food

fat

I am also currently getting

Fatty fat


snacking


this crept up out of no where

and also out of boredom

and it's become this disease of mine

and it's the worst kind

biscuits
bread
butter
noodles

sugar and carbs

just the ingredients to set up home on the thighs

so disappointing

i really need to run and burn this off

it's such a turn off

why not the boobs

and like my wrist, skinny areas where i am prone to bruising

better yet, the boobs would be brilliant

my fat is at war with me

rush

oh no

result in not doing work

last minute dash

before freedom on monday

hell yeah!


anyway i've been having insane thoughts

I kind of want to steal things

not peoples personal possessions

i think thats cruel robbery

I was thinking in supermarkets and fast fashion shops

places where they don't give a damn about economy

kind of like a payback and get them back by not buying and fueling the rich wealthy bastards at the top

i duno just a thought

silly thoughts when i just can't get my damn work freaking done

fuck

fuck

fuck

month of hate

hello

and i was doing so well


the fitness shenanigans

don't get me wrong

i'm gagging to to go for a run

however i have done BOTH of my ankles in

now what is that all about???


i'm really getting into the idea of running

thinking of investing in some cheap (of course) running trainers


kind of keep forgetting this

i'm invited to a magazine launch opening next friday

shit!

need, i beg of

need to shift the fat quick time


it's absolute karma that i've been eating crisp sandwiches (wtf)

and butter

and bananas (really fattening friut FYI y'know highest sugar and all that shizz)


and why is it that my ankles throb and got me walking down stairs like a cripple

not looking great

meh

drums

listening to florence & the machines

y'know

feeling the love


i want sex

i want romance

i want contact


cosmic love // florence & the machines

sloth

sometimes

i just cannot be arsed

really foul attitude

kind of like who gives a shit attitude


well

i do

i should


i need to stop being lazy

and get things done


it seems like me being lazy has given be a backache from being such a sloth

and indulging in nappings


need to get a move on yeh

serious

phwoar

when did i own absolute TUNAGE????


ice cream (Tramp Reclicks!) // New young pony club

brookes brothers // tear you down

crazy world remix // J majik & Wickaman


since 2007 apparently


well hello to looking twice at my itunes

i have some serious tunage going on that i never realised

massive revelation


Yo

down

over the last couple of days

i've hit the pits


it was a huge revelation after meeting someone and getting on with them from the get-go and having the same thoughts

y'know

it was uncanny kind of thing

really corny


anyway


there are days

when i feel just empty

and i have been having weeks of emptyness


anyway

just remember how good the strokes are

no biggy

good tunes

fashion scum

i see you in the library

and i raise you

mac book


i see your mac book

and i raise you

macbook pro


i see your macbook pro

and i raise you

mac book air


whatever to all of you pretentious fucks

i don't care

to hell with you

hair dilema

having a hair identity crisis

i do the bun head hair way back when

ye ye i didn't invent it

nor was it trend provoked


it was 2 years back when I had a tragic hair cut

tragic as in a mullet cut

and all i asked were layers and thinned out!


so anyway the bun hair figured to prove the best solution to my what the fuck haircut


seriously it was so bad

my mum said i looked like a lesbian

and my roommate said why have you asked for that shocking cut..

it was out of my control but hey ho


now the bun hair is major mainstream

i feel like a numpty surrounded by identikit hair styles


shiiit


need new solution fast

which sucks

i have the worst hair to style

it does nothing

and i have fringed myself which doesn't behave


bad hair times

dumb

i take to playing on photobooth

taking pointless pictures of myself

more to further phaff around to avoid doing work


when really


i really cannot not be bothered at all

why is it that i seem to never have free me time


maybe because i use it all up by sleeping

note


i already took 2 naps today


shiiit

make up

so i am sat here with half-a-face on with make up

testing looks to suit my face

i have a standard look of smokey and shadowy eyes

pretty much because it's what i can be bothered with in the lack of time i have in the morning before shooting out of the house


i never wear foundation for day time

i think i look false with it on

also the damage it is doing to my skin as in the risk of getting pimples

yeukk


anyway there's not much variety i can go for with eye looks

and i'm really searching and on the look out for something uber rad to experiment with

without looking tacky or slutty


also really pissed at how my lips are constantly chapped?

what is this

i have never had it like this before and being constantly lubed up is not doing the trick

i'm thinking it's the weather

but really puzzled as i use to have 'normal' supple lips

meh

cornflakes

hello deadline number 3

and i'm sat here playing with my make-up even though i have no where to go

i'm purposely eating cornflakes

i'm not even hungry


all just to put off doing this deadline for monday

all motivation lost

and procrastination is becoming too familiar everytime I get a deadline


definitely not going for journalism for career options

found

this took me so long to track down

i have been obsessing over this song for ages

finally mine!


Logistics // The trip


awesome

awesome

awesome

Mega


also still up to date with the running

i'm constantly staring at the mirror looking for minor changes

mostly the thighs

c'mon fat please burn away

strut

oh fashion show done and gone

I was men's dressing

and got my fare share of crotch cock watching


fun

beyond the point

i didn't go to the fecking afterparty because I was too beat


such an amateur now

bore snore

beats and bass

sometimes when music gets good

i like to sometimes pretend i invented it

well in my head

such a goof


show me love (blame RMX) // Steve Angello & Laidback Luke


best of the bests

ministry of sound addicted to bass


Yo

Cunts

east London kids are jumped up little fucks

pretentious twats

conformed to create this arsehole society


i miss real people

i miss genuine people


get me out of London any day

gray cast

boo

my mind keeps wondering and i am missing the ex boy


oh and a slight triumph i managed to lose 1 pound from the exercising that almost killed me

wump wump
note i noticed this new way saying this calling and thought i would trial it


back to the boy

i am mega missing him

just from being in contact with him again

what the fuck is this

i have this tingly feeling and a sense of happyness and joy

also feeling a bit of a loser that i haven't found anyone suited yet for me to brush off the ex boy in a flash reflex

it's hard

he spoke of everything about our time together

the face cream we bought together for him that he still uses
the bike he rides
the german markets
the night we met
the new band we got into before they made it big
the graphic designer job he's working

and i feel like i've crumbled and want some familiarity and comfort

and the inbetween guys that i have kissed were utter shite and i said yeh i would keep in touch 'but you haven't given me your number' exactly

i think this is my flaw

keeping in touch with your past lovers

and getting acquainted with fuck buddies in your life makes you lust for familiarity and knowing that it's a fail safe catch

I'm eating back that 1 pound weight i worked so hard to lose

with biscuits at midnight

i'm terrible

trim

pruning back the hair on my face


i seem to have forgotten to tend to them

after figuring out I wanted to grow out my eyebrows into thick behemoth yeti's on each side of my face

i didn't bother

and only tended to the few stray ones that bug me


i think i lost the plot a bit

anyway with the tweezers i went and i'm looking now

and i'm thinking i look much younger and different

not sure if i like this

i do look more lightened and facelifted


guess i'm use to looking like a scruffy behemoth yeti

push

here's a thought

if i find myself another half

sex will be restored

thus the exercise would be implemented

back to the old days

simples


now to make it happen

i should also stop reading my horoscope that seems to be my number 1 cheerleader

quoting i have so many boys to fight off

lies
and not true

tough

oh hello

I forget how good the kills are

i seem to be not ever in the mood for hardcore guitar rifts

and fierce scowl music


kind of like my roommate use to be

when we go out

she has the mean look

for other people to not dare


kind of funny

but anyway

this song reminds me of her hooligan ways

the kills // what new york use to be

injured

woah yeh

more about me trying to beautify myself

the getting fit regime


annihilated me

i wanted to be

and efficient ehm by not paying to those gym corporates rip offs


i took on running jogging sprinting and fast walk


and basically listened to hard core drum n bass to cover the pain my body was screaming

and avoided the weird looks i got from passing cars


alright mate drive on


I ran and ran

and some more

till I was and am now obliterated


my calf muscles and thigh muscles don't work

who knew you had to be sensible to working out

not I

and so i've fucked myself up currently and can't basically walk


here's a thought, i should claim for disability benefits, no?
claim some of that bastard tax I pay!

i kid


just need to toughen the fuck up

even though i can't clamber down stairs as sprightly as i use to


so attractive

bah

ploof


kind of a non descriptive word meaning to describe what i'm feeling



my thoughts are all over the place

and i don't know what to do about them


I really would like a boyfriend

i haven't been trying or to make an effort to attract

which is probably my problem here


and trying to weigh up this one thought that's been droning on my mind for since when

DO NOT to get back with le ex boy


it's just bad taste, no?


having to succomb to this is just..

that expression where you pull a face to say nah.. just no

nuh uh


even if it's easy sex


anyway fashion show on the way, afterparty which i can not say no to and people


more importantly boys

ehm

my itunes rolling and this just came on and surprised me

The Jam // A town called malice


holy karma getting me back


this was my theme for my 19yr old days where things were hot and good and relationships were flowing, it was kind of like my 60's era where free loving was in..

damn


really shitting all over 2010

and i just haven't had sex in so long

and it's starting to take the piss to be frank!

ramble

more salt to wound


epic party going down this sunday bank holiday through to monday weekender bender kinder thing


and i said i can't go

there is something so wrong going on here


it's at this amazing venue and amazing people


i don't know

what to do with me eh..


anyway rain finally to break the summer heat that's been sweltering on too long


Yes to finally layers of clothes!

woo and fashion is restored


i fail at summer clothes

really really


oh but one thing I want to remember for summer nostalgia


go strawberry picking with mother

need to spend quality time with her before she moves abroad


and to get back at karma

going to try and make it to the epic sample sale tomorrow


here's to hoping

Points

eh?

people with shoes on who put their foot on the bed


eh?

keeping fit by running has injured me in a major way


eh?

adults who behave like kids


eh?

trying to lose weight only to find myself eat more


eh?

epic sample sale at only THE BEST STORE IN THE WORLD and i'm not going


eh?

i haven't been out in so long and miss socializing


eh?

i miss the ex boy


and me and my bad spelling



really bad karma going on