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Brazil nuts

Almonds

Walnuts

healthy snacks or maybe snack fad of mine

I want to go to America and see what those dusky pictures are about for real

escape somewhere with no sense of time

i want to have freedom and experience the unknown

its all out there waiting to be discovered

and I am coming of age

i turn 23 in a months time

I feel so young that i havent experienced as much as i should have

yet

its perfect time to explore before it gets too late

Bullets

action plan

always get the work all done

so I have more time for play

seeing as I have not had any time for play

play makes me a happier person

so says my horoscopes

I believe they are very true indeed

It dictates that my social life is very important and that it is the making of me

its true

i have bored myself to death and lost goals

and ambitions

and a ridiculous amount of work to do now

so snowed under i want to hibernate under my duvet

also

interesting ex-Boy no.4 seems to be attempting to rekindle our past relationship

but its not of my interest and this Boy is the one i regret i have

after he asked me 'no regrets?'

much better off as friends

so

i've had pasta

i feel so sluggish

just thinking about career prospects

after working in a cocktail bar all last year

it was basically a Friday night every single day for a year

oh how it was fun

now I can't get back into work

too much relaxing

and now i have no time to relax and have to fight for spare time to relax

when did life get so dry?

procrastinator

arghhh

so much to do so little time

when will i ever learn from my mistakes

never do things last minute

its not fun

"He looks cool I want to fuck him"

This girl who got too big for her boots

Try-to-hard Indie cindy.

"omg, I just caught H my roommate and Tom on the Living room floor having sex. I'm so shocked I thought he liked me and to think I actually liked him"

Its okay, Tom has chlamydia, don't touch him. he's done you a favor.

"OMG just walked into the kitchen again and caught them having sex again, I can't believe it, H is such a slut. I cannot believe her. Can't believe she would do this"

What time is it, 6am? Why are you even up? Well you knew Tom sleeps around, he's a proud manwhore what did you expect

"this is disgusting I can hear them at it"

Two years ago this girl began to lust for the cool, to be seen as cool, to be "lets stand over there, those guys look cool and he looks hot" things like that I would blink my eyes wide open and pretend the drunk hearing has taken over and stay put.

This has been really grating on me because she wants to try and get back into my life after I cut her out. From the offset of meeting her, she was already vying for centre of attention and self indulgent brat.

flat party "..I've got something to tell you, I've been sleeping with Alex from next door, I didn't know how to tell you because my boyfriend Will, he'll never speak to me again. Its only because Will doesn't excite me anymore. But it's really difficult because Alex has a really long term girlfriend and still likes her"

She didn't know how to tell me she is a whore. Amusing.

And her repercussions fell onto me as well as I knew Alex's then girlfriend, which then to her thinking bad of me because I was associated as the whores room mate. The whole social circle dynamics fucked.

Alex gets a new girlfriend

"I've caught chlamydia off Charlotte, Alex's new girlfriend. The tramp"

"I don't know how I'm going to tell Will about Alex and the other boy in the band I slept with, it'ul just kill him. No, I'll only tell Will about Alex and pretend nothing happened with the other guy"

Laughable. will you just give up, you've lost your own boyfriend now, the boy you was sneaking around with won't commit himself to you

" I'm going to shower. i'm going to sleep with Alex tonight, he really likes charlotte, Yeh. I'm going to sleep with him tonight."

"Just seen Tom, he looks really fit. He's coming back with me tonight"

"Tom the tramp has given me clamydia"

No morals. No shame. I have no time for her.

old is getting older

i need to get a fucking grip

Its always what if

maybe

it could happen

i need to draw the line, stop waiting around for something to happen

because I'm getting nowhere and this is effecting everything i do.

So there's this fuck buddy that comes in and out of my life.

its been 3 and half years and I rejected him the most recent time even though i wanted it bad, is it that bad to say? But I was in one of them non-serious relationships at the time and did the right blah blah blah and turned him away, when i thought why the fuck did i do that? I was in a miserable relationship where the sex was dire and the thought of him sent me to despair. What can i say, i needed the fuck buddy and the gods answered my prayer and for some fucked up reason that coincidences happen, he was in town and he was calling to come round. I turned him down. I just can't do the nasty and what all the angry songs we hear on the radio sing about.

Gutted. Yes. Right. Yes. Feels good. No

Now I am frustrated, I have moved to a different area, where the talent to be frank is ugly. There is nothing remotely here that interests me in anyway. Im stuck in this mind where I need to start afresh and the old ways are getting old, everything is moving around me and I haven't moved with it and I need to get on it. I should start with baby steps and stop looking, it will find me if I stop looking? The only thing is I stopped looking 4 months ago and what's taking so long?