entry continued by my talk of shivering
I consumed this substance in the toilets
after I halved it with my then-lover who had drove up to see me for our second meeting
everyone I knew was out that night
it was one of the best nights when you know everyone that it makes even the strangers become your friends
just one of them nights were everyone is feeling the love
for some messed up reason I left the club and went back to mine with my then-lover
I have a lot of blanks of this night
I feel really empty about not being able to trace where this time went and what happened
But I always think back to when I was shaking and shivering vigorously
the then-lover gripped me on both of my sides of my arms like I was a plank of wood
I lay there shaking convulsively and incoherently
I remember I just looked up to him and stared at his eyes
my body and the neck tensed up and froze but yet I was jittering uncontrollably
he lay next to me, with the duvet wrapped around me and hugged his arms across me
you have to stop this. listen to me just try
I have never felt so disengaged and the feeling I got was an empty shell. I remember thinking about what is this feeling, if theres one thing I need to understand is this and to make sense of how I have become to this state. Looking into the eyes of someone that is so worried and fearful of my life, I saw his emotion and heard his words to regain your senses and concentrate and come back to me.
in the morning i turned my head and looked at him
you was real scary lastnight
you was gone
your eyes
you probably should've died
you probably should've died
that was the feeling
