my new tough

i hate myself sometimes for reacting in ways that i can't control

i keep finding myself lost

losing myself deep in my thoughts

and i find myself crying

and fucking hate this and i beat myself up about it

i still can't get over my grandad passing away

i completely understand that, that's how life rolls

i am totally a rational person

but what frustrates me is why can't i control myself to calm myself

i hate lingering on a subject

and why do i cry in moments?

i don't understand this.