The Wackness

I really love the film The Wackness

i watched it twice

this song reminds me of the film


jurassic 5 // a day at the races


i thought the film was made in the 90's

weird as it was made in 2008





couldn't stop laughing when he said 'word' after sex


word

annoyed

eughhh

how do i say this without screaming every word



i

want

THAT

jil sander's

coat

on

sale



eughhhhhh

i wanit

i wanit

i wanit



whats even more frustrating

is that freaking uniqlo have their secret sample sale

so what's the point in ever spending all my money on full priced items

and the fact that uniqlo is like my staple items?


eughhhhhhhh

No way

No way

i love people uploading their playlists

because they share my forgotten memories


Ghost Town // Summer Camp



i can't believe this

my 2007 lost years


ha!

nostalgia

lol

LOL Take ii


not my words



Don't put your rotting donor pizza in the composter. From The Vegan

Where else is it suppose to go? Soyfucker





true to an extent

too funny

one of them is anal

crack

i sound like a walking bubble wrap

big time


my bones keep cracking

like my ribcage + back bone


i hate the noise

its disgusting



eugh

hot hot for nippo times

holy shizzow

mega tunesome


passion pit // little secrets ( LAZRTag RMX Dud version )



YAEH

lil john styles



passion pit can do no wrong

and when theres a rmx version its guud

and when theres a Dub version its mighty guud


ibiza rocks style

save this for a summer time playlist

wassup ii

whaddya know

luck prevails

mega revelation


WUT // Girl unit



YAEH!!

sitting nicely in my itunes

dubstep times

warm your cockles

kisses // kisses


i love this band

i love it very much

i love every lyric every word

i love that jazz piano rift

i love it that he says ooh da dah da dah

i love how it makes me jiggy dance

i love that it tells me to:



keep your heart strong
and Love, Love
and give kisses when you can

but most of all


i love it when he says


HUH!!

serbia

what can i listen to warm myself up with

???

i need some music to distract how bitterly cold i am

i stupidly opened my window in the morning to 'air' out my room

(as my parents are firm believers that this lets out all the bad zen out)


gah


ooh just had an ephiphany

for hot milk


..

..

..

Draw

so so so


since 5am this morning

i have managed to yet again dabble in some online shopping

what the fffffff


but it's not all lose lose

I have actually been fannying around with some fashion illustrations for paid work

chasing a ridiculous deadline

I would have given the massive

Piss off


but seeing as I am very inclined to this new online spending habit

I really do need to

hush the fuck up

and think of the moneh

yeh

yeh

yaeh


albeit its already spent

huh

note to self

reference to remember by


Chestnut brownies recipe

YUM

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/23/chestnut-brownies-recipe-dan-lepard


Hazelnut prune cake

NOM

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/nov/06/hazlenut-prune-cake-recipe-lepard


Pear & Hazelnut cake

MAKE THIS

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/nov/21/nigel-slater-pear-hazelnut-cake-cinnamon-doughnuts-recipes


little reminder of some things to bake

i am a bit bored of baking banana & blueberry cake

getting tasteless



also the fashion editor Jess Cartner-Morley winds me up

it's like every review she makes, she dislikes

I'm glad there seems to be a new stylist styling and working on Morley

but then again it's good Morley gets grumpy with every trend

so when a trend comes around that I despise

I couldn't agree more with her comments

avec here:

"Ignore capes. There, I've said it. Because truly, what's the point? They are silly. Just silly. Either you can't use your arms at all or your arms stick out of holes at an awkward angle so you look as if you are doing a Punch & Judy show. Plus, anyone who would be impressed by the fact you're wearing a cape if a bit of a prat. Yes, superheroes wear capes, but usually they wear them for flying. Can you fly? Quite. Take it off. Now."


I love the word prat

more to the point people who wear capes are prats

blingin

rah

its so cold



dance to warm up to this:


people do the most amazing things (Dye RMX) // Kisses




the freeze is keeping me indoors

and idle ways lead me to spending my (non existant) money

Le debit card taking a battering on online shopping



-14 pack jumbo printer ink (bargain!)

winner

-shea butter tub

-vitamin E oil

-rose hip oil

-Bio oil

i is going to be a right greasy monkey

but all the well nicely lubed and moisturized to battle this weather

gots to laugh



im down £150

poor times


AND

i still need to fork out £60 for a new power adaptor for my mac

stupidly snagged my cable

dumbass


AND

debating on buying this eley kishimoto top (on sale, yeh!)


yaeh..

because i am really swimming in money right now

SOB

AND

making my friend a necklace for her birthday


for really


it's the thought that counts right

^^

LOL

just

LOL

i never like to say that in full context but

this calls for the occasion


these are not my words

but kinda wish they were..





Ugh, this girl's giant Longchamp keeps invading my personal space on the train. Wouldn't mind if it was Chanel or Prada..


I'm sorry but asking if my Jil Sander shirt is Cos *chokes on tea* just isn't on!


just so funny!

too amusing not to share



but so true right

Don't wait any longer

it just keeps getting better


i keep stumbling upon absolute tuners

this i promise will send you into a magical trance


70's overhaul for the now

follow this band now


Kisses



pure gold genius music from this band from LA

just amazing



kisses // kisses

kisses // bermuda

kisses // people can do the most amazing things

kisses // midnight lover





go get some


go go go

HOLY SHIT

Stop everything


Girl unit // WUT


AMAZING

NO WORDS

BEAYUTIFUL


mental

can't get enough already

moving on

so

i am really in to House at the mo

po

po

po




Lee Foss // You Got Me (original rmx)


wiling out

also whats this soundcloud business

when did music get so good it comes free!

I LIKE

get some free music here

http://soundcloud.com/senno/senno-deep-in-me-thank-you-god?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=facebook&utm_content=http%3A%2F%2Fsoundcloud.com%2Fsenno%2Fsenno-deep-in-me-thank-you-god


chill out beats



don't you think the word Vibe is such an awkward word

kind of like eating a banana in public

its just wrong no?

Boner on

mega tunage


Adrian Lux // teenage crime

Adrian Lux // teenage crime (3hundreds rmx)



sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet


am i really late on this?

I can't believe I haven't found this earlier

it gives me the good heebie jeebies


i forget about House sometimes

which i hate to admit





this song is so good

indulge

indulge

wassup

mmm

toffee popcorn


mmm does it everytime

i did a sugar shopping spree today



butterkist toffee popcorn

viscount mint biscuits

cadburys fingers

5 pack cadburys' crunchies




i have a scheduled blood test tomorrow

something about glucose levels


somethings wrong with me

last time i had my blood test

my luck i had a trainee nurse

and she stabbed me 5 times because she couldn't find my vein and then had to stab the easiest vein which was on my wrist which just makes me really queasy and then i blacked out




i'm scared for tomorrow

its about time

just made a playlist titled

proper moody shit


first track listing goes



headlights // school boys



moody moody alriiight

ehm just trying to scoff this seeded bread and it's obliterated and falling apart between my fingers

how annoying


Fuck you bread

ooh mind


just discovered more brillio songs i have lodged on itunes i forgets about


ecoutez


FUKKK OFFF // love me hate me kiss me kill me


in that order meh


love acid

meh

meh

place

Arne // Haruka Nakamura


finding serenity

finding solace



kinda anal words i know

i have been mute

i had gone AWOL

i have been absent

i have been VOID



such a spectacle of words to paint my point being

so what has been happening


I lost my grandfather

//

i lost myself


but hey

i'm finally getting things together


because i must


this song Arne, by Haruka Nakamura pretty much somes up me

right now



i hope things start to look up

you big tree

mega cheesy pick-me-up tune fest

robyn // hang with me



tall men turn me on

something about the altitude-ness

maybe because of the gentle giant thing

makes it seem all humble


after assessing the ones i dated that were perhaps mid-height

such as level to their shoulders

the all were disasters


when i think tall

i think tower block sky high tall

yum

wish list

my weird crush i


Valentine Warner

stud

foodie hotty



my weird crush ii


Diarmuid Gavin

stud

nature lover

hot hot

wow

wow

wow

if sex came in music

it would sound like The xx

hands down



eugh

i have a drippy nose

not sexy

hands up

ok i'm feeling the jealousy

how come all of a sudden everyone is rocking a macbook pro new version

y'know

slimmer

the mat crome

sexier

the black keypads

better in everyway macbook pro


trying to hammer in that its all good in the hood because i have the classic macbook pro yeh and that i love it so much better


yeh yeh yeh

gimme the new version

i'm so green eyed jealous all over it

morning

i woke up super early today

5am!

i made an ambitious smoothie in the morning that i wasn't sure if it would taste good

cherries
apple
oats
honey
yoghurt
protein powder
milk

it was a bit hard to stomach, should have left the apple out



uh oh

oh no

i'm already getting sleepy

starting to flag already mid day

really need to resist napping


c'mon smoothie power make me stay awake




shit! really want to roll into my bed this very momento

Junk

got the iMac in my house

new edition of a gadget in the household that i won't particularly be spending time with


as this is father's latest expensive splurge on techno gadgets

(we have about 5 dvd players in my house from back in the day when dvd was all the rage and 2 portable dvd players. Excessive non? Which are all on stand-by now with the red light glare blinking in the darkness every time i venture downstairs for a midnight snack. humm global warming much..)


so here's the catch

iMac is a bloody powerful gadget yeh yeh top quality this that


greedy me

self involved, all i care about is that the iMac consumes the whole households internet speed so now my internet is running like it's the 1990's circa AOL


rage

new

i'm into yoga

i'm into smoothies

i'm into rye bread

i'm into extra virgin olive oil

i'm into protein shakes


by the way

i'm still fat

and

i'm still ill

and

i'm still freaking single without a boy


boo my life


but oh yeah

i'm having sleepless nights

i'm having restless moments

and

i'm having idle ways where time takes me to discover a certain fuck buddies home address


how the frick i managed that i have no idea but that's my idle hands will make of me


oh my life get interesting any moment now (please)

mellow

Saint Etienne // only love can break your heart


summer music melt down

and lots of watermelon

which should be an all season fruit

never get bored of melons

also like this from these guys too

spring (air france rmx) // Saint Etienne


i think i've mentioned these guys before

music to help convince you the weather aint really that stuffy hot

bleh

really now

there was this one time


bitch italian snoot lady barged past me to during my shopping venture

she says

'what does CDG stand for?'






...

just sayin

nom

gruel

eurhhh

i'm having a cake coma


more so a food coma

i keep eating and can't stop

i reckon i have had 5 meals today on top of what i normally eat in a day


food overloadage

my poor thighs taking the wrath

i don't get it

why does my fat not spread evenly across my body like a canvas

instead mounting itself on my thighs

and spots where it's tough to shift that takes some hardcore ninja moves to make it disappear

i'm starting to like the idea of liposuction



all of a sudden it all makes sense

Rage

i'm so fucking hacked off


this is like one of them rages i can't meditate myself out of

i'm fucking fuming

i get this message from ex boy no. 4



So i'm just going to throw it out there and say that i actually genuinely miss you and i would like to see you again sometime before i die. Xx








You what

why is this happening


what the fuck is the deal with the morbid message

what is this bullshit
wrong audience

i really cannot be bothered no more to be bothered


drained



Never agree to be friends with an ex










right now i want to punch him in the face

jets

sero

sero

serotonin

sero

sero

serotonin

burning a hole into my heart

silent thoughts or what not

i think i'm in one (many) of them moods

i don't know what i want

i don't know what i want to listen to

i don't know if i am hungry

really weird feeling

anyway when one (many) of these moods crop up

i always seem to find this gets played


eet // regina spektor

a bit melancholy

i know i know


kind of like dawsons creek for 2010 soundtrack eugh


+ i also seem to never be able to spell 'weird' correct first time round which is undetectable after I have spellchecked the post.

I feel the less i write

the more dumb i'm becoming with age

dj's are not rockstars

a big massive fucking hell


ever since i've moved to London

i feel like i am sharing the city with the ex-boyfriend

he has covered every corner nook and crevice of the city

of course

he's a fucking dj on the sideline

albeit one of them crap ones that play peoples music and waves their hands in the air like they digitally mastered the tune

or even wrongly, downloaded remixes from hypem.com and pretending to be god-like at a touch of 'press play' kind of dj


so anyway i find this gem of a venue

a real arty hubbub with non of the cliches of nostalgia but all the rightness of good people, good vibes and good music

(and the bartender knew the difference between ginger beer and ginger ale. Good stuff. a real bartender who knows his stuff. very impressive )


So now it seems he has become the dj for this venue

well

is there no where sacred in London??

i did try my hardest to avoid all the places he dj's and his pretentious hang-outs and this venue was perfect because it had this arty vibe and a bit of a secret find and now like a cat he's pissed all over it

i feel so exasperated

trying to find my feet and find places in London without that intense idiotic pretentious feel where people are on edge over concern of what each other look like

remember, London doesn't dance at all. They all stand and stare like frigid fucks, getting tubby around the waist from lack of movement and grim faces

so anyway yeh

i found my happy place only for it to be taken over by a pretentious hipster ex


just really disappointed

crunchy

foodage

i really like nuts

almond nuts

brazil nuts

pumpkin seeds

i can chomp through packets

which is kind of lethal on the waistline

especially with peanut butter (kind of a nut form) i eat with a spoon

so thankful i don't have an allergy to nuts

trying to

i want to start to stop wearing make-up in public


i haven't tried yet

and I'm a bit scared shitless to be frank!

i don't wear much make up anyway

only pencil eyeliner + a tad eye shadow

and then curl my eyelashes as they are black anyway

and i managed to stop wearing mascara 2 years ago after the tedious routine of constantly removing waterproof mascara off every time is a chore and bore

also i wanted to be more careful around the eye area, less wrinkles with all that vigorous wipe action

and also i noticed i was shedding eyelashes every time (wtf)

so to for the sake of it all, no mascara!

anyway more to the keeping it natural

it's the way forward

really want to wean myself off make-up for my huge constant concern that is, coming of age for my 24th birthday

life is such a hard slog

suck it in

i want to scream

how are people getting so skinny

everywhere i look


bones

and more bones???


what are they eating or not eating

what drugs are they taking

just how the hell

is everyone achieving skinny heaven


why is it that i succumb to one measly sandwich

and the odd dessert


yea i had that cheeky donut at in the early morning when i couldn't get to sleep


i look in the mirror and i see a whale looking back at me

the crevices in my thighs where the cellulite has resided

thank you very much cellulite, hello

and when i eat more meals in the day my face gets fatter?

i'm no fanatic on blah blah eating disorders blah

a real general wonderment as to what the fuck is going on that i seem to be missing


i'm indulging

and people are secretly gym bunnies i see


i'm just getting fatty McFat

this is not ok


booka shade // in white room


evidently the title runs true to how i'm feeling
but this tune is shit hot

hot

hot

yes

busted

seretonin // mystery jets




ha just looked in the mirror and i have a splodge of chocolate chip on my mouth like a little kid that secretly raided the biscuit tin

do

do

do

do

seretonin

muffin

mmm

hello chocolate chip muffin


i especially like the taste of the chips on the top

it has this worldly chocolate tasting uniqueness


(what you don't know is that i just paused here for a good 4 minutes finishing the chocolate chip muffin goodness and then an extra 30 seconds picking up the big crumbs. oh what a sight. i am such a tramp)


there should be a launch of that specific baked chocolate chip flavor that comes in a chocolate bar or so

shouldn't there


mmmm

that one time i was soooo hungry i went directly to Wholefoods

land of the holy grail of baked goodies

and got me one them muffin monsters

no joke

it was the size of my face/head


and super bonus it was healthy

i think it was made of wholewheat and not the starchy white wheat crap


mmmm

quality muffin goodness memories


oh yeah

i'm so getting fatty fat fat

equation

personally

i think my dad should buy himself an iPad

and give me his iPod


this sounds like a selfless deed

but

it works in favor for him

he only uses these gadgets for listening to the radio

now really i think i could put that iPod to much better use

methinks

Awesomeness

Fuck Yeh

Listen up

i shit you not absolute tunage to get your boner on


ehm can you tell i've been reading platform much?


this will change your life

ecoutez


Booka Shade // Charlotte

Booka Shade // Regenerate


I found this quite a while back and only sharing it now

but whatevs

fuck time


lets dance

and throw shapes

followed

i keep hearing this everywhere

every little thing she does is magic // the police

pow

pow


i'm really ill

ten-fold


anyway i'm having an identity crisis

this shit bitch is hijacking my look

i feel really terrorized by this

can you imagine the horror of someone trying to fill your shoes and walk in them

taking on my persona too

y'what???

fecking bitch


pow

pow

pow

indeed

getting better

i am in the middle of getting better

i got horribly ill

i am really stubborn when it comes to help and going to see the doctor

a little too late and i was rushed to the hospital

anyway

listening to a bit of a cliche titled band to lift my mood

the cure // the greatest hits (unplugged)

i prefer the acoustic versions

yummy rift goodness

hot times

just had a funny memory from looking back 2007 pictures


there's this top, well kind of casual dress

that i knew was a sure win that would make this guy i was seeing want to sleep with me


'why are you so dressed up at this time of night?'

-i'm not, i have just got back in from town and done some shopping


next thing i know he threw me onto the bed

and he was all over me and he was at it like a racehorse

pow


anyway

i just found that top/dress

and i haven't worn it since my cunning plan


which has got me thinking...

hippy shake

if i really hate hipsters

and would know one if i saw one

but with all the information

just does this make me a fucking hipster?


nahhhh


too fat be to identified as one


oh finally after recovering from ankles injury

i invested in some running trainers

(getting serious!)

back on my mini running programme i am devising myself for a couple of events where i feel i need to be slimmy skinny jane

kind of ruined my hardcore efforts today

white sandwich and crisps

darn it

especially freaking white bread with butter
at midnight

fuck you food

fat

I am also currently getting

Fatty fat


snacking


this crept up out of no where

and also out of boredom

and it's become this disease of mine

and it's the worst kind

biscuits
bread
butter
noodles

sugar and carbs

just the ingredients to set up home on the thighs

so disappointing

i really need to run and burn this off

it's such a turn off

why not the boobs

and like my wrist, skinny areas where i am prone to bruising

better yet, the boobs would be brilliant

my fat is at war with me

rush

oh no

result in not doing work

last minute dash

before freedom on monday

hell yeah!


anyway i've been having insane thoughts

I kind of want to steal things

not peoples personal possessions

i think thats cruel robbery

I was thinking in supermarkets and fast fashion shops

places where they don't give a damn about economy

kind of like a payback and get them back by not buying and fueling the rich wealthy bastards at the top

i duno just a thought

silly thoughts when i just can't get my damn work freaking done

fuck

fuck

fuck

month of hate

hello

and i was doing so well


the fitness shenanigans

don't get me wrong

i'm gagging to to go for a run

however i have done BOTH of my ankles in

now what is that all about???


i'm really getting into the idea of running

thinking of investing in some cheap (of course) running trainers


kind of keep forgetting this

i'm invited to a magazine launch opening next friday

shit!

need, i beg of

need to shift the fat quick time


it's absolute karma that i've been eating crisp sandwiches (wtf)

and butter

and bananas (really fattening friut FYI y'know highest sugar and all that shizz)


and why is it that my ankles throb and got me walking down stairs like a cripple

not looking great

meh

drums

listening to florence & the machines

y'know

feeling the love


i want sex

i want romance

i want contact


cosmic love // florence & the machines

sloth

sometimes

i just cannot be arsed

really foul attitude

kind of like who gives a shit attitude


well

i do

i should


i need to stop being lazy

and get things done


it seems like me being lazy has given be a backache from being such a sloth

and indulging in nappings


need to get a move on yeh

serious

phwoar

when did i own absolute TUNAGE????


ice cream (Tramp Reclicks!) // New young pony club

brookes brothers // tear you down

crazy world remix // J majik & Wickaman


since 2007 apparently


well hello to looking twice at my itunes

i have some serious tunage going on that i never realised

massive revelation


Yo

down

over the last couple of days

i've hit the pits


it was a huge revelation after meeting someone and getting on with them from the get-go and having the same thoughts

y'know

it was uncanny kind of thing

really corny


anyway


there are days

when i feel just empty

and i have been having weeks of emptyness


anyway

just remember how good the strokes are

no biggy

good tunes

fashion scum

i see you in the library

and i raise you

mac book


i see your mac book

and i raise you

macbook pro


i see your macbook pro

and i raise you

mac book air


whatever to all of you pretentious fucks

i don't care

to hell with you

hair dilema

having a hair identity crisis

i do the bun head hair way back when

ye ye i didn't invent it

nor was it trend provoked


it was 2 years back when I had a tragic hair cut

tragic as in a mullet cut

and all i asked were layers and thinned out!


so anyway the bun hair figured to prove the best solution to my what the fuck haircut


seriously it was so bad

my mum said i looked like a lesbian

and my roommate said why have you asked for that shocking cut..

it was out of my control but hey ho


now the bun hair is major mainstream

i feel like a numpty surrounded by identikit hair styles


shiiit


need new solution fast

which sucks

i have the worst hair to style

it does nothing

and i have fringed myself which doesn't behave


bad hair times

dumb

i take to playing on photobooth

taking pointless pictures of myself

more to further phaff around to avoid doing work


when really


i really cannot not be bothered at all

why is it that i seem to never have free me time


maybe because i use it all up by sleeping

note


i already took 2 naps today


shiiit

make up

so i am sat here with half-a-face on with make up

testing looks to suit my face

i have a standard look of smokey and shadowy eyes

pretty much because it's what i can be bothered with in the lack of time i have in the morning before shooting out of the house


i never wear foundation for day time

i think i look false with it on

also the damage it is doing to my skin as in the risk of getting pimples

yeukk


anyway there's not much variety i can go for with eye looks

and i'm really searching and on the look out for something uber rad to experiment with

without looking tacky or slutty


also really pissed at how my lips are constantly chapped?

what is this

i have never had it like this before and being constantly lubed up is not doing the trick

i'm thinking it's the weather

but really puzzled as i use to have 'normal' supple lips

meh

cornflakes

hello deadline number 3

and i'm sat here playing with my make-up even though i have no where to go

i'm purposely eating cornflakes

i'm not even hungry


all just to put off doing this deadline for monday

all motivation lost

and procrastination is becoming too familiar everytime I get a deadline


definitely not going for journalism for career options

found

this took me so long to track down

i have been obsessing over this song for ages

finally mine!


Logistics // The trip


awesome

awesome

awesome

Mega


also still up to date with the running

i'm constantly staring at the mirror looking for minor changes

mostly the thighs

c'mon fat please burn away

strut

oh fashion show done and gone

I was men's dressing

and got my fare share of crotch cock watching


fun

beyond the point

i didn't go to the fecking afterparty because I was too beat


such an amateur now

bore snore

beats and bass

sometimes when music gets good

i like to sometimes pretend i invented it

well in my head

such a goof


show me love (blame RMX) // Steve Angello & Laidback Luke


best of the bests

ministry of sound addicted to bass


Yo

Cunts

east London kids are jumped up little fucks

pretentious twats

conformed to create this arsehole society


i miss real people

i miss genuine people


get me out of London any day

gray cast

boo

my mind keeps wondering and i am missing the ex boy


oh and a slight triumph i managed to lose 1 pound from the exercising that almost killed me

wump wump
note i noticed this new way saying this calling and thought i would trial it


back to the boy

i am mega missing him

just from being in contact with him again

what the fuck is this

i have this tingly feeling and a sense of happyness and joy

also feeling a bit of a loser that i haven't found anyone suited yet for me to brush off the ex boy in a flash reflex

it's hard

he spoke of everything about our time together

the face cream we bought together for him that he still uses
the bike he rides
the german markets
the night we met
the new band we got into before they made it big
the graphic designer job he's working

and i feel like i've crumbled and want some familiarity and comfort

and the inbetween guys that i have kissed were utter shite and i said yeh i would keep in touch 'but you haven't given me your number' exactly

i think this is my flaw

keeping in touch with your past lovers

and getting acquainted with fuck buddies in your life makes you lust for familiarity and knowing that it's a fail safe catch

I'm eating back that 1 pound weight i worked so hard to lose

with biscuits at midnight

i'm terrible

trim

pruning back the hair on my face


i seem to have forgotten to tend to them

after figuring out I wanted to grow out my eyebrows into thick behemoth yeti's on each side of my face

i didn't bother

and only tended to the few stray ones that bug me


i think i lost the plot a bit

anyway with the tweezers i went and i'm looking now

and i'm thinking i look much younger and different

not sure if i like this

i do look more lightened and facelifted


guess i'm use to looking like a scruffy behemoth yeti

push

here's a thought

if i find myself another half

sex will be restored

thus the exercise would be implemented

back to the old days

simples


now to make it happen

i should also stop reading my horoscope that seems to be my number 1 cheerleader

quoting i have so many boys to fight off

lies
and not true

tough

oh hello

I forget how good the kills are

i seem to be not ever in the mood for hardcore guitar rifts

and fierce scowl music


kind of like my roommate use to be

when we go out

she has the mean look

for other people to not dare


kind of funny

but anyway

this song reminds me of her hooligan ways

the kills // what new york use to be

injured

woah yeh

more about me trying to beautify myself

the getting fit regime


annihilated me

i wanted to be

and efficient ehm by not paying to those gym corporates rip offs


i took on running jogging sprinting and fast walk


and basically listened to hard core drum n bass to cover the pain my body was screaming

and avoided the weird looks i got from passing cars


alright mate drive on


I ran and ran

and some more

till I was and am now obliterated


my calf muscles and thigh muscles don't work

who knew you had to be sensible to working out

not I

and so i've fucked myself up currently and can't basically walk


here's a thought, i should claim for disability benefits, no?
claim some of that bastard tax I pay!

i kid


just need to toughen the fuck up

even though i can't clamber down stairs as sprightly as i use to


so attractive

bah

ploof


kind of a non descriptive word meaning to describe what i'm feeling



my thoughts are all over the place

and i don't know what to do about them


I really would like a boyfriend

i haven't been trying or to make an effort to attract

which is probably my problem here


and trying to weigh up this one thought that's been droning on my mind for since when

DO NOT to get back with le ex boy


it's just bad taste, no?


having to succomb to this is just..

that expression where you pull a face to say nah.. just no

nuh uh


even if it's easy sex


anyway fashion show on the way, afterparty which i can not say no to and people


more importantly boys

ehm

my itunes rolling and this just came on and surprised me

The Jam // A town called malice


holy karma getting me back


this was my theme for my 19yr old days where things were hot and good and relationships were flowing, it was kind of like my 60's era where free loving was in..

damn


really shitting all over 2010

and i just haven't had sex in so long

and it's starting to take the piss to be frank!

ramble

more salt to wound


epic party going down this sunday bank holiday through to monday weekender bender kinder thing


and i said i can't go

there is something so wrong going on here


it's at this amazing venue and amazing people


i don't know

what to do with me eh..


anyway rain finally to break the summer heat that's been sweltering on too long


Yes to finally layers of clothes!

woo and fashion is restored


i fail at summer clothes

really really


oh but one thing I want to remember for summer nostalgia


go strawberry picking with mother

need to spend quality time with her before she moves abroad


and to get back at karma

going to try and make it to the epic sample sale tomorrow


here's to hoping

Points

eh?

people with shoes on who put their foot on the bed


eh?

keeping fit by running has injured me in a major way


eh?

adults who behave like kids


eh?

trying to lose weight only to find myself eat more


eh?

epic sample sale at only THE BEST STORE IN THE WORLD and i'm not going


eh?

i haven't been out in so long and miss socializing


eh?

i miss the ex boy


and me and my bad spelling



really bad karma going on

Shift

i am a pathetic shit


hall & Oates // Out of touch (Jackson RMX)


so to more of my pathetic-ness

i seem to be more motivated to quickly loose the fat


ahem just in case i bump into him

y'know how it is

cringe


ok time to bust this carb fuelling affair that's been going on far too long

and I haven't even started on the chocolate Lindt bunnies saved from easter


what a HARSH shame


really need to shift the fat

Drop the tough

shit

really did not expect this

it's completely out of the blue


ex number. 6 has got in touch


fuck

and the dumbest thing is

I think i secretly still like him


and I feel like a complete loser and not cool


why is this happening

i'm looking into this so much


but fuck i miss him

eugh and i keep swearing which is so disgusting of me

shit

fuck

boo

deadline

not so good times

bad times

i die


and i'm getting cautiously fat

boo more

Shola Ama

oh my days

I remember thiss


feels so good (EZ's More to the floor mix) // B15 Project Feat. Shola Ama & Ms. Dynamite


god it's so much slower than I remembered

I seem to have levitated towards Drum & Bass and acid over the time


this seems more of a house and soul vibe..


hhm

garage

trying to be deadline savvy and work early

really hope this works in favor

please

please


lets not have me die towards the back to back deadlines that are waiting to cull me


oh remember this

Jaheim // Just incase (dub-a-holics rollers revival)


from the pure garage CD collection

this brings back old school sunny days I had

back in the day when ghetto was in vogue

I remember vaguely that I wouldn't survive the scene

it was so dangerous for my liking


I wonder if it's a friendly zone yet

with back in the days of shola Ama tracks remixed

such classics

oh how I miss this

Trend

Nay to the trend Clogs

if you have the feet to pull it off and you ARE Alexa Chung then do it


it grates on me when dare i say it

'normal' people follow trends


i cringe hard

and murmuring
'just don't do it'


and also reveal the public's unsightly roughed heels

and prune-y pale feet skin that haven't received the holiday glow yet

so bad

then what to wear with the clogs

your everyday outfit does not suffice

shit

i cringed and melted hard when I witnessed the devastation of this


kind of like a poor version of Dolly Parton

without the gusto


really bad

so bad

cat

ehm

i'm still reeling from this

i got paw slapped by a cat today

and feel quite furious about!


what can I say


there's this kitty that strays into my home for whatever reason I'm not sure

probably some sort of cat mafia marking it's territory everywhere


so it's collar dropped off and I went to try and clip it back on


y'know

for the owners concern kind of thing


so anyway

the cat paw slapped me away

kind of like a paw high five

but a down high five with claws


and I have claw scratch on my hand

which kind of infuriates me everytime i look at it

becos i was trying to do something out of goodwill for the kitty


eugh

I hate cats

even more reinstated now

sunny

sun music

happy music


undercover martyn (passion pit RMX) // Two door cinema club



changes

parents may be moving abroad

yes!

this summer

i need a job

big time

and juggle an internship


lets make it happen

toasty

is there anything more gutting

with the sun out

and everyone

but you


are having bbq's

after feeling quite smug earlier in the week having a bbq

although catching a bit too much sun

sun burnt again
silly me


now i want some that bbq chicken goodyness

and from my window i can spot the neighbours from a distance turning over sausages

and whats that

burgers too


damn

i forget

i forgot i own filth on in my itunes

ecoutez


Henok Achido Sophia Somajo // Pusher




yea

filth

filth

dutty


yo

hello

am i late on this

Two door cinema club // something good can work (The Twelves RMX)


how good is this?

where the hell have i been


some jam goodness

i like

swoon

blown away

obliterated


Joshua Radin // No Envy no fear


heart murmuring beautiful

this has caught me


this guy is good...

New Song

oh i do like

Mystery Jets // flash a hungry smile


new sounds from the boys on a come back


the tingly feeling is back

really happy they still sound refreshing

like

like

like

numbers

wow

The Bravery // No brakes

played last 22/09/2008


I'm thinking this must be my summer routine song

strange

but glad to know I go back to my trusty classics now
but after 2 years neglect

eek

mix

The Doves // Black & White town


i use to do mix playlist's a lot

this reminds me of pairing with The Bravery


what happened to them?


The Bravery // An honest mistake

The Bravery // An honest mistake (super discount RMX)

Manchester

the doves front singer has a lisp

not a bad thing

just an observation


eurgh

i'm getting this massive nostalgia thing going

really cringe worthy when you get that moment to want to listen to momentus tungage


avec ecoutez


The Doves // pounding


oh how I miss manchester

really

Nostalgia

i just beat 2 deadlines

only 3 more

before joyous freedom!


anyway

after my intense napping indulgence

I sit wide wake

well it was a hearty 4 weeks worth of missed sleep

well deserved I say


some cheesy nostalgia music listening

jesus and the mary chain // just like honey


phwoar

have not heard this in so long!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

summer!

Yeah!

BBQ!

oh yeah

hello hay fever

i sneeze you


apparently eating lots of onion

raw is best

this helps with numbing your senses against the pollen

i'm such a bio geek


it's ok

i happen to like onion

shallots especially

mmm

sun music

the sweetness of air france // Taken By Trees


i don't really understand what the title of the song means

but I'm liking the sound



no clouds in the sky today

want really like now

could really benefit for a morgan spiced with ice cold apple juice with lots of ice and a few sprigs of mint in a generous jug

one can only wish

and anticipate

no time

PANIC

PANIC

PANIC

PANIC

fuck panic


death bed


deadline

hate this

pissed off iii

this really hacks me off

people living off benefits

child benefits, housing benefits,

DISABILITY BENEFITS???

are you kidding me

OBESITY IS NOT A DISABILITY

what the fuck is that all about

article about a family exploiting the system to claim every type of benefit out there is a fucking outrage that they have the best of luxury living because of this and still want more..

speechless



spotted a skanky indian hobo inbreded immigrant on the train

brandishing his numerous techno gadgets for all commuters to see

iphone, blackberry, sony ericsson and headset

what the fuck

what the fuck


because of fucking benefits

they have all these luxury ammenities, things that I haven't even got


why

because I am a tax payer

making these allowances for these skanks to own these luxuries

while I am struggling to make a comfortable living

I am living on a tight budget

I can't afford to spend

where yesterday I was in doubt of purchasing something as simple as nail varnish gave me doubts about spending sensible


it baffles me why this is

and when it comes down to it
it just isn't fair

ex-lover attribute

'i rub my eyes when i'm tired i do'









. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

he gave the best hugs I have ever received

chivalry

oh

a pleasant memoir

almost forgot

a business man kindly tidied all the newspaper that littered the whole tube carriage

no joke the mass of paper that is flung everywhere in a London tube carriage
the nostalgia of the newspaper smell is intense of that carbon acid smell

almost if the color gray and beige had a smell, it would smell of this

but ye

he kindly tidied all the papers around me
really courteous and apologetic of the papers littered

nice

I'm really warming to commuters


what a difference it makes from my previous times
i am in a airy mood


its definitely the caffeine effect


and bed time
nightios adios

i have fat knees

ripple


when i tip toe on my chair

to look in my A4 sized mirror

(so tragic)


I can see the damage those biscuits and others

namely my fix

Kit-Kats

have made home on my thighs

and feeling spongy around the body


I use to be able to coil my body and have my elbow placed on the pelvis like a shelf

now

i'm shunted and no resting of the elbow is happening


i sometimes get the momentum back

and reunite myself with my hips

but i'm guessing my monthly period is going to annihilate me

with the force of bagels


god my knees look spongy

treatment

After the experimental beauty trial on myself

I used pure coconut oil

which is essentially fat therefore where it dried and settled it was quite a solid state

after showering it off, it probably has done it's beneficial treatment to my hair/scalp, but my hair is left looking greasy and chunky

coconut oil contains a certain fat that is really a super fat that no other oil has that can benefit as a beauty treatment i read up

I might use this as a weekend treatment

definitely not for the weekday treatment where I don't want to brandish greasy hair in front of people where they will think you haven't showered for days

people always assume the worst


i would too to be honest

weak

at the peak of my healthy days

healthy ways

i use to take 9 vitamins

3 at a time to break it up

Vitamin B12
Vitamin E
Vitamin D
Vitamin ABC
Primrose Oil
Echinanea
Vitamin C
Iron
Magnesium
Zinc
+ edit // and milk thistle

wow plus two more..

this list scares me a lot..

the reason for these specific tablets are for skin, hair, nails, metabolism, skin healing, good for periods and coping with life
( echinacea for when your ill, milk thistle for a boozy night after and B12 to cope with the pace of life.. and i use to take the multivitamin in thought of rounding off coverage..)


I have a weird relationship with them

I use to be repulsed by the idea

and sometimes would believe they are a life saver

I still am not sure if they have benefited me

maybe they have a placebo effect on me to steer me to look after myself


I am now currently only taking 3 vitamins

B6 this time
Zinc + ABC
Primrose Oil

and I just finished the round off Vitamin E bottle..


just realizing all this is scary

beautifying

hooked and reeled in to beauty channels on youtube..

watching model takes on style.com..


this resulted in beautifying myself

less of the self hating

it's all about the trying


i read coconut oil on hair works wonders

i am sat greased up to the nines

my hair is dowsed

fingers crossed!


the summers here

and there's no escaping it

so i will try and overcome my struggle with this season

look after my body/shape

look after my health

and be good to myself


positive thinking

simples

i'm ill

i feel AND look like shit

i hate the sun


i'm trying to recover from sunburnt


this day feels like no other

no other by means. shit


also what is with my constant drippy nose

it's warm today

and i am sniffley (however you spell it)

i am ill

i am ill

i want to cave in

word

err

holy mackerel


deterritorialization


ok firstly

trying to make sense of this

and then to have a major typo in the script

-where the second T was a R..

-and to have a bleeding hyphen after the De



do not want to get technical

what a load of bull crap that I am trying to make sense of through the load of bull crap that's already there

and this is suppose to be Fashion context


Yeh,


Ehmmm

good luck me

Radio

sunday listening

new romantics

gary newman

bowie


hello


also a bit miffed off with mac updates

trying to get a momentum going with work


slowing down my laptop

insanely

slow

slow

slowly

pompidou

eugh reading material

the writer keeps mentioning the word


abjective



such a fucking phony

pretentious twat


what a load of nonsense

arghhhh

not going to lie but i looked up the word

and i find it such a revolting word

and to keep reusing the word your theories

no

so vulgar




raging it out

the chemical brothers // saturate

waiting

to conclude

i have a package that should arrive this week!


but this is something i really need

no i really need this

I would've got it sooner or later

and if the price rose

i would've been kicking myself that i should've bought it sooner or later

it was the better of two evils


anyhoo

Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour cream/balm 50ml


is immense immense immense

it's going to be my investment product

after being introduced to this I have never been more happier

it cherishes my skin over the madness of the windy weather

feels like ice cubes are being thrown at your face type weather

this thick cream/balm is a skin saver

and ah

glory cream

i am in love with


also i'm down to my last reserves of the cream
really anticipating for it to come in the post

buy buy buy

i'm in a rut


i want new things

but looking at my situation

space to put them

and

money of course

and what the hell am I thinking


the deadline


but anyway

this needing and wanting is too great of a deal


I just want new things

things that i don't have

things that slightly vary to the things i already have


this is a bad attitude

over the past couple of weeks

all i've been doing is splurging

and being irresponsible

irrational

and down right greedy

selfless

it's become a kind of habit where I have to really think hard to control


eughh

exhausted

and feeling blah

just want to buy happyness

i want new shoes

i want new shoes

i want new shoes

i want new shoes

i want new shoes

i want new shoes

i want new shoes

unwell

a little moment

ok

my macbook is getting creaky

i feel a slight urging panic coming on


it creaks when i pick it up

when i lean on it

and when i open it up i pray that it doesn't snap and break

+another thing, the plastic trimming around the edges are gapping from the metal
shit
so when i lean when i'm typing it pinches my skin
which is not so nice and distracting
should i really start to worry and get advice now, this could lead to something serious in the future

my macbook is literally my lifeline




ooh listen it creaks when my paws lean on the sides..

i need to look after it more

be a bit more caring towards it


my macbook is sick :(

And

hello deadline


Die

Die

Dying

mega

Yes

Jai Paul // BTSTU (Demo/new mix)


Yes

Yes

Yo

wow

just found really old photos

old memories


god i was so slim

eugh




skinny bitch

like

An up from like

I love Spotify

and the music overload I can fit into some salvaged hours I own


ok

this is a surreal recommendation

I love

LOVE

all the Temper Trap remixes


This is like sex, drugs, morphine you could get from a constant rotation of pleasure


that good


heart tapping

shoulders pulsing

faint head achieved

the beats, the synths, the mix

Too good!!!


The Temper Trap // Fader (Rockdaworld Superdub Extended Edit RMX)

The Temper Trap // Fader (Adam Freeland RMX)

The Temper Trap // Fader (Jakwob RMX)


it covers the majority of genres and intergrating Dub-step which is always a pace pleasure to jump the song to feel that euphoria which then somehow has that mellow skip..

just the perfect mix of feel good with exceptional tempo levels in the 5 mintues...

oh i really want to go out tonight

but so gutting as I had to say no because of work commitments


what to do

life changing

i have met my match


it comes in the form of a buritto

namely The Breakfast Burrito

here are the ingredients for my future reference

fresh Buritto wrap lightly toasted
3 lightly fluffy scrambled eggs
melty luscious chedder(?) cheese
green & yellow grilled peppers with a smokey hint
guacomole green loving
immense spicey heaven chunky chorizo chunks with every bite

and side helping on the plate of
salsa loving
guacolmole loving
green leafy Rocket loving

edit// +sour cream nearly forgot their furthermore generosity
and note, the burrito was bigger than my head..! just sayin


Get this Breakfast Burrito loving

Go

The Breakfast Club
Hoxton/Shoreditch
London

Don't prolong the mouth watering


It's in one of the side streets, look out for the lit up circle sign, sandwich board. It's quite hidden away, like a secret hove to be discovered. it's quite easy to miss, thank god I was introduced to this eatery delight as I walk around with my eyes half shut all most of the time.

myself and my friends were awaiting to be seated
(it gets mega busy = mass people means good reviews! Yeh!)

It's notcieable that this is where the beautiful people come to eat here

Beautiful people need to eat

and with the assistance of a big felt hat, its how it's done.


A great atmosphere

superb decor

and yummy waiters (what can I say he was wearing a smiths tee, winner!)


I'll deffo repay some buritto loving with another visit

Get that blueberry stack pancakes next time


nomcious

found

random want for something to listen to on itunes

turns into something i missed so so much

Au Revoir Simone // Knight of Wands (Straight Up! RMX)


it's probably my update version of a song i would play if was having sex

and was feeling for some easy electro mellow jamm


here's too hoping

greed

sometimes i just want a quick fix

but then it just won't suffice and at the end of the day, it's never worth it

i'm not having fun


i've had a couple of outings

so there's kind of been opportunities for me to get to know people

however

i've developed this thing

i've become 'it'


stuck up


i've gone extremely judgemental and snuff people that are just what I define as revolting and maybe an extreme reaction of mine

but I can't help it

there's this something about people that immediately give off an impression that they are just an 'empty shell'

no substance

I'm not for one to ask of someone from the get go

but it just seems that more and more people (people i mean by fellas)

are predictable, non?

all generic

the last outing I was with my friend, and she is far too giving for such a pretty face that this guy thinks he's broken in and on it for tonight

but as she's straight talking she brandishes him and tells him after he tries to make an advance from pure self reassurance of his hornyness

no I won't shag you

and this was after he chased her down the street and tapped her on the shoulder with the look of 'aren't you forgetting something?'

hilarious!

oh really

really??


just a reason why i won't suffice for anyone

it just seems that the men around London are not up to scratch

thoughts

oh no

just when i got my sleeping back on track

i decide to take 2 naps in one day and now i can't sleep

me and my greedy self

i hate this

because it leaves me time to think about things i would rather not

especially this one..

i really miss someone


i hate being single

I hate every single thing about it

and especially in London where the people are not so great and the hope is not there

i know me being patient has now overridden to non existence to where I have forgotten what it's like to wait and wonder and lust

i just don't expect anymore

more pessimistic

don't notice whats going on

and kind feeling pathetic and run down with low self esteem

i've really lost my spark

man cool

oah yeh

something that slipped my mind

only just remembered after pondering


The men of London are very peculiar

i use the word strange too often and peculiar really grasps what I'm trying say

I've been looking at fixtures and settings for the venture that I'm doing with my boss, that means we will venture out and about looking for inspiration

anyway with my Salami Kosher Bagel intact (in my mouth)

we were admiring these really mod furnishings outside at trendy cafe

and all of a sudden this bearded man in a van was laughing at me, really marvelling at me..

he was waving at me

and looking at me quite oddly

almost to talk to me or whatever


i just looked up at him quite passively


and he seemed quite shy and peeped at me through the window

He was quite hott, don't get me wrong
kind of like a hairy yeti caught at work

but there just seems to be this lack of 'man' in men in London

and then.

On another location to view architecture

me and my manager were immensely divulged into gazing the building ahead of this building being magnificently clad in rusted metal that had been treated to look like brick walls but at a larger scale.

'oh my GOD. That guy thought we were both totally checking him out!! We were walking directly towards him and his eyes lit up! He really thought he was onto something!!!'

really

really??

where

eh I didn't see him!


and then you have the hubbub of cool male outside smokers who insist on keeping their rain speckled rayban glasses on, when it's pissing it down with rain

after choking on the last puff

then they don't know how remain their substance of uber coolness to wipe the rain free from the glasses to see where they are going

bloody hell

there's cool and then there's plain common sense and get on with it

fools

mix

aphex twin // fingerbib


late mellow sunday bop

just had a moment of erratic-ness


there's a life drawing class on weds that I really want to attend

but it's pretty extortionate price to pay to attend for one class

not sure the quality of the event will be as the price is so much..

be good to get myself on the roll to doing more things in London



will see

hip hop makes me sleepy

much to annoyance on the train journey home

the only radio station fit to listen with no static fuzziness

for some reason it is like an unfortunate roulette game that always lands on Zane Lowe's show

I am really not a fan of him

his ego gets in the way of doing his job

and then he plays an awful mix of tunes that makes the end of the day even nauseous

then to top off that constant hard microphone blurb he'll jabber on when you've got earplugs in, its the most frustrating thing to need to take them out to avoid Lowe's noise

migraine

migraine

migraine



this is making me try harder to want to buy an ipod

and i actually like hip hop too

shame

old times

remember this song

natalie imbruglia // wrong impression


listening to gushy radio stations at the office

not such a bad thing

noticing..

Last night

after a pretty resounding day at the office

ended with a good Smiths song playing in the office to listen to before I left

left me in a brilliant mood

it just reminds me of the times I lived on my own and the photographic imagery of sepia tinted vision of freedom I use to have..

anyway

I was to meet up my friends and go to a gig but had some spare hours to burn

i have this stigma of feeling lonely


what impression & perception it gives you and to others when your on your own

anyway I wanted to embrace this

see what it feels like to be a lone stranger

I always see lone strangers and some can be so confident

maybe nonchalant

maybe ashamed

maybe an agenda to get on with

So i had 2 good hearty hours to fill and pace out

I had my bagels intact

wanted to be that lone stranger who seemed occupied in some eating

and with the bagel being the standard Brick Lane dare i say it 'it' food

it wouldn't cause any harm or offense as a normal shop bought sandwich


it was strange


I was walking around aimlessly with no sense of time because it was spare

I noticed this other lone stranger

who kind of trailed me

as he was on the same pace as me ( i figured this, because I paced even slower and he followed and a breezy lone stranger himself )

and then I ended up going to this vegetarian bar/eatery funky beats place

with people en mass lounging with their apple macs popped open showing their status of uber coolness

and then this ultimate lone strange with his apple mac decided to position himself beside me (which was strange as it wasn't the best spot in comparison to the spare mass space around the bar left elsewhere)

he was uber cool and a good looking guy

the ultimate beautiful lone stranger lurking around me

he tried to distract me or get my attention or something or whatever it was
I've forgotten how to respond to these situations

so bloody useless I am

and to top off

i had an odd admirer who lurked around me and his friends puzzled over his not so incognito emotive, which then alas led to him taking sneaky pictures of me more than trice times

creep

although harmless but still now I'm floating around on his pictures and that beautiful lone stranger noticed

the journey ends here when my friend calls up that she's arrived and my time of the lone stranger ends

this made me notice how people reacted to realise after that moment that i was never in fact a lone stranger, i had an agenda.

which made me realise

it's not so bad being lonely

you see things definitely in a tinted perspective


and attract anonymous beautiful strangers

moment

getting to know

that road called Brick Lane


everyone has an opinion of this area

but anyway

i don't know

I seem to be there quite frequent and spotted numerous models

ala spotted that jethro cave and that Ash Symest

(ahem who is my background wallpaper but only because I like the styling of the shoot and the materials he is wearing. No, seriously)

but then when there's a moment I would've loved to have whipped my camera out

and been that impressed individual to furore over somewhat normal looking person

so I was hesitant to try and take a picture and merely for a second brushed off that 5 second glare before resuming the East End intense stomp walk

and then that time from yesterday

As I ventured into a pub/ bar to use the toilet

to then walk on to a music video being filmed

(also I think I have a small cameo in that some unknown video where I seem to be lurking around the sides to get past to the bathroom, with my camera intact acting like that someone who gets overly excited)

London is making me realise

wow things really do happen when you stop trying to look

Bagel

a new food crush


3 bagels in a day to be exact

there's something about them as discovered from the best bagel shop ever on Brick Lane

I was introduced to them as a pretty 'Standard' must have tried/eat from London

and yes

I'm in love

bagel love fiend

and so it was

Cream cheese and Smoked Salmon Bagel

Kosher Salami Bagel x 2

and the price is immense too

why is it when the cost of something bumps up the tastiness

and in this case, its such a perfect all rounder

(woah, hello pun!)

anyway there's something about these magical chewy tasty goodness

it's kind of like this magical happy food

and just having remnants of that smokey salmon so beautiful scrumptious

i'm already having Bagel pangs

sigh

so tasty...

organising

and prioritising

just read my trusty future finder

horoscope


it says

so many men, so little time


such a lie!!!!!!

biggest fib ever

true about time

but at the moment being a singleton for the longest period I have ever come across

(reaching the 2 years single mark post)

I haven't met anyone yet

apart from the stray swedish boy who entered the office looking for directions

my mangaer said he was clearly into me

I was oblivious and missed this

I've lost my spark

don't know how to regain it truth be told

esteem

I have none

i feel really destroyed at the moment

also a mixture of annoyance, regret and frustration


a few weeks ago on a night outing

a real need to enjoy myself after a hardcore stressful week

it was a spur of the moment thing to leave the office and meet up with my friends to have dinner and then go out

i'm still not familiar with the social scene in London

either you fit in or you don't

or you follow the crowd

and conform to the grunge punk ethos uniform compiled by the Dalston/ Shoreditch crowd

anyway

we hit a club where some swedish DJs were playing

the club was compact and narrow and the club space was very awkward but cosy

so here's when I feel destroyed

I got the look of 'up and down' finger pointing by a random tart


for real

and I feel destroyed by this

a complete ephiphany and it's spiralled into a self hating taunt

i haven't recovered from this and believe that I've been having Bad Face days, Bad Hair days, Bad Body days, Bad Skin days, Bad Nails days..

i've crashed

my posture is broken

i don't even walk with my head held high and shoulders crouched in

and now this

thats why frustration kicks in

with whats left of my confidence, if even i had any in the first place

how did i let a random chubby brown haired tart, adorned in white jersey mini dress make me feel so crap

i bruise easily

but still

she wore a freaking white jersey dress

really

jersey?

222

huge problem

after starting my internship

it involves a lot of buying, merchandising and PR-ing

this is really bad

I am constantly surrounded by opportunities to buy and use my influence on what is viable for prospect consumers, future trends and my 'taste' on fashion for buying opportunities

Every single trip that I have gone during buying

I have also purchased on behalf for my personal self

shit shit shit

when

It's one of them situations where I want it for myself

greed

I don't want to give it away for selling to merchandise

selfish

and I may never see it again

Lust

all leading to stupidity

I'm just weighing this up and to combat

I need a job

asap

fingers crossed as my manager is looking to give me a part time job

which leads to another argument

no more sleep for me

with the lack of sleep that is going on at the moment

sigh

Life

mail

why hello

there's patience

and then there's patience to the limit and beyond then forgotton

Spotify

finally! account is mine!!

euphoric


problem

i have itunes

what good is spotify again

sleep is the brother of death

mega

mega tired

it's been non stop and i have been fighting for time to find the time to sleep

if that makes sense non?

right this minuten

so tired

so sleepy

sleep deprivation

nicht so gut

if you follow the signs


maybee

maybee you'll make it

wishful hoping

and discover something that makes you want more

which leads to anticipation

to have found something great

stay positive

devastated ii


when i was on a carb loving mission

i bought some buns with sweet fillings in

due to excitement of the frenzied carb purchasing

frenzied because i went around to different areas looking for more 'variety' and 'indifference's' to please the carb palette

i picked up this delicate bun roundness with a shiny sheen to the surface

i believed i picked up the one with red bean paste filling bun

nein

non

nooooooooo

just chomped half way

and some more

i'm such a fool

I read the label to realise I've picked up butter rolls

darn

still they are tasty nothing offensive as always where i purchased it from never fails to disappoint me

still devastated nonetheless

devastated


I found these awesome balloon ( note: not hareem. gag ) silk trousers

they were parfait

they were an old united benetton label american size 42 on the waist

problem

i'm not massive and i'm not skinny

but i just couldn't get the fuckers on

i had to breathe in a little and it was high waisted

but it didn't fall to the ankles which was a shame

but other than that, they would've been so perfect

the silk print was so beautiful

and i am devastated that I don't have it in my life

sigh

catch up


ok

my tuesday interview went super cool

really pleased as I start monday

winner!

on the way back home I fell asleep on the train and missed my stop where the train terminated I had to travel back half-way to get home

dumb dumb


Wednesday second interview went amazingly super cool

the people were so friendly it was dead informal

I made great contacts and friended the people

(is friended a word..)

after the meeting I went and treated myself to a load of carbs

sweet filling filled buns from chinatown

and sushi from Japan centre

I almost forgot that they go half price after the end of the day

so seeing as the produce is mega high quality at a cut price

I got a couple of sushi platters


all round super day

and i'm beat

good days can be so exhausting

ahoy


I want to wear more

to don more accessories

but I have to compensate with this one without looking too over done

I always have to, its a must wear earrings

Or else I feel naked and unbalanced and feel exposed

I occasionally wear rings depending whether my fingers are not having a fat-finger-day

its a killer when you strangle them off to go to bed

but yeh

I would like to wear neckwear

I already in place have my scarves that hug me

but i would like to make use of my necklaces and adornments

but that would mean I would have to compensate my other 'me' items

lets see if i get my top ear pierced maybe I could meet halfway to combating the over-done look


in other news

my nose is getting rather sensitive

rather random

I got a nose bleed for the first time since whenever

nose bleeds were so 90s

to do list


i need to buy a hand held blender

going to japan centre tomorrow after the interview


shit!

the interview what to wear?

just remembered to take resume

i'm getting nervous although hopefully i'll be calm and collective


another deadline beaten

so over it

anyway

shitting tomorrow

tone


to me

well i think it's quite blatant anyway

my accent is british

it has been distinguished that it is easy to listen to than the southerners

as i speak 'properly' ennuciate and whereas the southerners are more relaxed and lazy when speaking

and their grammer is really bad

i find it funny strange that people comment on my accent

the australian cousin
the swedish boy
and others

and then this one

the polish guy


'are you american?'

no

no i am not


can you tell i'm restless

i'm churning out garbble that isn't worth reading

i apologise

calm


feels like heaven // fiction factory

silver jews // strange victory, strange defeat


feeling blah today

probably the calm before the storm

storm being deadline tomorrow


anyway i'm having vegetable soup today

mega delighted

I'm a hardcore lover of vegetables

no joke

none of that vegetarian bullshit

someone once made a true statement that vegetarianism is a lifestyle that people opt for because they consider it cool if not for the political aspects of it

when i use to live on my own i made homemade vegetable soup everyday

it's kind of crazy thinking back

when I got home at 5am

i would cook one up


it winds me up that living at home its constant meat at the table

really winds me up, it makes me tiresome..


abit off the beaten track here but

i'm mega sleepy

i've woken up early to start the day

i lack in stamina

and i hate to hit the caffeine

which in fact i did at 9am and i have a horrible caffeine buzz nausea going on


groggy

gossip // heavy cross (fred falke RMX)



if i was having electro indie bop sex

i would choose this

which is beyond the point because i am distracted from my work once again

what is wrong with me

its good

music makes me speed up

and pace faster faster

but very so distracted

i love this remix

is a good song to have sex to though, non?

fuck

think i am only working at speed lightning because i want to go to a house party tonight which i know it's not going to happen as I need to do finishing touches and need to be on it for the presentation on Monday

then the following days

hardcore interviews lined up

and i know when i party

i get smashed as it's been far too long

so sensible head on

have to meditate and thinking of the benefits

good for the body and sanity of my career

mediate

meditate

and deadmaus it out

and some Police dosage

the police // every little thing she does is magic

tap

bronski beat // smalltown boy

work

work

go go go

up ii

things are on the up

(bar the workload that needs to be done for monday deadline)

but!

i'm having a lucky day

finally!

just read my star sign as a second conscience guide

which is spooky how accurate it gets

-although mention of some work wardrobe needs a touch-up..
this thought I don't think so
I have a winner dresses that do it all time
plus, I have had far too many sporadic splurges anyway

no pennies left sigh


my career may be in the works

but ark.. don't want to speak to soon as it may all cave in

need to stay on it

but yes!

i'm so glad things are on the roll

and i'm even missing out on this mega party tomorrow night

but oh well things are looking good

have an outing sometime in early march anyway

so will make up for it

so happy

sentiments

i really miss my friends

just looking at pictures and how they are dotted all around the world

i want to be with them

they are in such tranquility and look so happy

whereas i am here in UK

and it is bleak

and hard working making a living

its so dire

miserable

i have a friend who is leaving to travel america soon and i will miss her lots

but she will have an amazing experience

hopefully one day i will get the chance too

i hope

i hope

i hope so..

orange

yikes

jaffa cakes

midnight deadline still hammering on

although not actually being much productive

I've already watched desperate housewives on catch-up

and now talking about how amorous jaffa cakes are

nom

pissed off ii

another activity i carried out of procrastination


reading a really bolschy blog/twitter find

there was attitude, ego and cuntness

i don't know if its because i'm ill and pissed off

but i found myself scorn the twat imposed

'i'm so wild in this picture i'll pose like a loony whore and grapple myself amongst my gay chauffeurs, shit yeh, i just 'cracked my coke platter..oops i meant "mirror" oh the bright lights of London has seduced me into a crack whore affair whilst realising I am able to retreat back to homeland where my servants are at my demand anywayZ i'm a posh punk in disguise in your face' -so she says

with the high-street haircut

gotz-the-side-of-my-head-shaved-makes-me-uber-rad-better-than-you-now



so fly


scorning while choking on my cheese and crackers

pissed off

i've put off what i should be doing for the whole day


and didn't get any pleasure out of it

i took a nap

which was the worst nap ever as my dad blasted his dumb 'pop' music

and i swear this effected my dream nap..

woke up feeling extremly hot n headachey

y'know and you get that 'hothead' brain numb fever feel?

also the raditors were wacked on high

i just feel all round shit

and really hacked off

i can't

i don't know anymore

i give up

can't take it anymore

sodding sodding deadline

annihilating me

sometimes when your soldering on

all i keep thinking is why

what the

what now

you what

deadlines are a killer

goodbye

not good

problem

huge problem

my eyes really hurt

both of them

my last diagnosis was that I need to blink more

or blink properly and blink more often

straight forward diagnosis

but my eyeballs actually ache pain

really scary

i'm a fan

Ellie Goulding // Starry eyed

yadda yah

i'm wee late to come across this ear pleasing music delight

very catchy and moreish

i like the remixes

it would be mega if there was a drum n bass remix version

would run similar to Sigma // All blue

faster

faster

better better

sometimes heavier

avec

A-Trak // Say Whoa (Big Nasty RMX)

makes me moving in a tripped out manner

i love bass!

up

i wish my life would go by the way terry richardson presents himself in every photo he documents himself in

follow?

bright eyes censored by some tinted aviators and thumbs up

most times two thumbs up

such a positive outlook on life

with life

and that's how life should be

as to true to how it is documented

well well well

yes // owner of a lonely heart


shit

when you really listen

like really listen

it sings

owner of a lonely heart is much better than a broken heart

thats what happens when your dazzled by the amazing rift and bass

groove tings

just sayin

terry richardson photo diary cracks me up

that is all

Grand

i'm having travel pangs

I'm wanting to be somewhere else

this may seem very out of the blue

but i feel like i need to be somewhere else

just need a thrill

something to get my pulse racing

something to challenge

Australia

Copenhagen

Gothenburg

Korea

New York

also found out that my dad use to live in Australia

i think it's my cue to just live a bit more

need to be somewhere else

Riddance

there is this constant hate that exists in my life

its sad to say it is a relative

we don't get on

see eye to eye

I would sooner see the back of it

void

Brighton

I adore you

the city and town of Brighton, UK

is immense

superb

beautiful place beautiful people

such a warm welcoming town

I visited the south for the day to meet some friends

such a must recommended destination of all

i also had this insane crazy most salivating amorous foodage of love

please picture or infatuate the vision and smell

A generous golden wedge of sweet potato and cheese feta filo pastry pie
with side vegetables of savoy cabbage and chunky herbed carrots
and an additional of complimentary dressings of tzsasiki and hummus

i crumble for this pie again

swoon

Cafe Iydea, Brighton, UK

Go see

i swoon again for some humble pie

I love Brighton and Brighton loves you

rah

sometimes i forget my age

i see 23

shocked

chills


but somehow


i always by law remember how long its been since i've last had sex

when i had my last kiss

who was i last with


but has it become possible i actually forget how old i am

(i kinda keep thinking I am 21 (( the odd times ehm, 19 ))

i know i know


but isn't 23 the new beauty 'IT' age

a time for when everything is acceptable

so much mature and yet still beholdeth the youth

although my age seems to have paused

excitement? i don't see none

yet

maybees i'm underestimating this

i want bigger better things

my teens and twenteens were a riot

have i peaked?

it just seems 23 has been a bit mellow for now

i want faster

quicker

freaked out shit


peaked? non? oui?

i'll think about this one..

bliss

finally!

my social life can get back on track

my phone has been busted for a couple of days which is far too long for my liking

it was a killer not being able to reach out to people when I wanted

worst is when it seemed lots of people were trying to contact me and i hated it when it seems like i'm being rude and ignoring and not being able to get back to them

i have got THE best phone ever that money has bought

better than all those snazzy team iphones and blackberry digi crap

I have a simple €5 Nokia basic no frills mobile phone

and it is mega!

it does everything I need

after the plastic gadget crap i've put up with and the humongous amount of dollars i've spent

finally

that is all

its mega

trust me

also i depend on my alarm on the phone to wake me up

now its back

life is back in working order

simplest thing right

make a massive difference

applaud

before i get some light cheated shut eye

macaroons are a delightful tastiest sensation

ever

beautifully mellow floaty melting into infinity sweetness

you must all discover this exertion

magique fantastique

tres bien!

sayonara

waking up soon

i haven't slept all night and my alarm clock just went off

it rings an hour early

before my usual morning wake-up ritual

i now have 30 minutes to try and get some sleep before starting this day

30 minutes to finish off yesterday

and forget about the troubles

or at least mask it over


i miss him terribly

now

well now

so this is me


i'm annoyed?

i attract ugly people

is this a valid point?

maybe it's a sign that love still rotates

and ugly people need ugly people to love too y'know

you can't control the waves directions

Reluctance

ok

i speak softly about this

i think i'm missing him

i don't want to

and hating myself as i convince myself that to believe it and follow through

instead

i fold

i really truly miss him

i've even analysed all the bad points

thinking about that bad hair cut

his bad mood swings

his tubby cute belly

how he didn't give the best hugs

and didn't kiss me enough

the last point should be the deal breaker

and i still miss him

i miss him so much

and he will never know

Over the hurdle

don't stand so close to me // The Police

the original version not the remake version 86

more jam and funk


i likes

fat thinking

reasons why I am fat

or getting fatter

I open a bag of crisps to find they taste a bit stale

only to discover the bottom of the bag has been punctured

i was a bit disappointed to say the least

thinking what a waste!

but i continue to eat half the bag to confirm it taste shit

ehm yeh..

I open a second bag of crisps to full fill the objective

darn it

welcome to fat club