Monday, 25 July 2011

season of nothing

horrific news in the media lately
must focus on myself not to let it suppress(?) me too much..

i can't help thinking about timing and planning about where my life is at this stage,
i have hit a major empty spot,
where my life is at a pause,
my love life is at a void,
a stark comparison to what it was 2/3 years ago,
I get it,
I haven't been out socialising enough to meet people,
then other times i let opportunities slip and pass me,
that guy wearing a smiths tee?
he was so perfect,
that guy who positioned himself next to me in the chillout bar,
tentatively veering over my shoulder to say hi,
i was vacant.
i just seem to float,
not really sparkling or shining
just fizzling out.

what a disaster,

i do not want to be a prowling 30 year old femme
plucking up men during their 30's when things are on the downhill slide.

after getting a taster of dating a 32 year old when i was 21,
the sex to him, is an acceptable 10 second hump and a roll over snooze??
a strenuous & arduous task of breakfast/dinner exchanging blank glances
silent conversations stirring to abyss
also this one was into striking arguments and torment
pathetic as it was,
it was one of them cowering over me in bed to scorn me
i now hear from him when his failed relationships are of course inevitable
and i hear his lame smatterings of the 'good times' we shared
hoping for a pity fuck
men are bastards and this extends to grown men i have dated

i am yet to find an all rounded guy,
i'm over cokeheads, meph dudes, boy about town.
a simpleton would be nice,
a personable
normal dude.

i just need to get out more


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