Thursday, 24 December 2009

go to bed


closer // kOL

night all

Monday, 21 December 2009

talking shite all through the night

The world was a mess but his hair was perfect // The Rakes

this song reminds me of the F pal

indie jig and shake

best thing to happen is to make his calm cool exterior nervous

noticing other girls admire him but all he wanted was me

-do you know how much i have spent on you
-i have never done this for a girl before
-you don't like it when i smoke do you
-you just don't care
-hello little one
-where are you can I come see you
-your so cold, never care


cold air

can it start getting warmer

its extremely frosty and chilly regardless of the double duvet

its a grueling task warming up

this is the extreme measures of my lazyness



i think i miss your face

can't have

i want the one i can't have

well almost

nearly had a fatal heart attack when le itunes refused to play a bit of smiths to cure my fix

i want something i can't have

something i won't admit to

i don't think i can voice it out because i'm scared of rejection

having the 'door slammed shut in my face'

feeling not wanted is my greatest fear

and if they knew how i really felt

i'll never go for it so i will never know the unknown

i guess i don't like being in a position where i am vulnerable

or admitting defeat

stubborn cunt

my life

a bit worrying

my laptop -my life

is wiring a lot and before my itunes wouldn't work

everything is taking ages to load up what the fuck have i done

i thought macs were indestructible

so appalling

another thing that is appalling is my spelling

thank god for spell check

normally i am up to scratch don't get me wrong

and just like that

im 23!

Saturday, 19 December 2009

highest low

what do i need and want that's left in my sad pathetic life that i don't have

a ukulele

at this point it is the only thing applicable to me

a high new low for me

drab mood

drab life

-for the moment that is

ocean breathes salty

i'm listening to modest mouse and i miss you

my favourite words said to me

times ii

a time a swedish boy saw me naked

who are you?

who are you??

what do you mean who am I, I live here this is my house


awfully sorry

is it okay if i sleep outside your room

(arranges himself at the bottom of my bed, not exactly outside the bedroom eh hot swedish boy)

a few weeks later my manager sleeps with him

if i disclosed the 6 degrees of separation and how many other stories revolve around this boy I have myself a Cannes film in need of production

or maybees a project to remember



not kidding

i think my eye may pop out

its in so much pain

dastard eye

don't need this, I need you

got things to do

Get up

CSS // move (cut copy RMX)

ok listings & thoughts

i need more excitement to my dire

dull grey life

this exact picture i am painting

I want more colour

more Love

need to make the things happen to keep me occupied

I sound like a broken record

when did this happen

i want improvements

quick & fast

I'm impatient

-i received a tall box that came in the post today and inside were a bouquet of flowers, pink ones, white ones, indigo ones, ones that haven't opened up yet and greenery ones to balance out the fuchsia

Note this has never happened to me so its a rather mementos moment finally

check list more love


i want



my eye

both eyes

one is having a rampant twitching murmur

the other is killing me when i look around

i have been excessively looking at the laptop monitor and telly watching a lot

need to stop abusing the eyes

lets tone down the brightness

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

hacked off


I make it pretty obvious whether i am into someone or not

this goes from living with my hot blond housemates for 3 years, make boys feel inferior and not bother and that they could pick boys up like flys to turd that, hey lifes too short and fellas suck at being smooth at the game (doesn't apply to the north, they know what to do)

on my recent night out, you get the hopeless scum of the crowd that think they have the chance

apparently I give off the most not interested, move, don't touch me look very well. so its clear

also my infamous despair look of what are you doing, what is it now yeh

i go for the type not the run of the mill looking guy, a bit aloof and hairy faced out of place guy minding his own business I am human something will take my fancy I'm not entirely repulsed by everything

i'm getting really hacked of at how dumb can guys get when I am not interested. Not stuck up or prissy, i'm dancing means i'm dancing.

No sexy dutty wind

the move i need space for my trippy epileptic rave dance

The hard arse pinching and backing off & retreating into the crowd. screw you. not cool
Haphazardly standing there hoping i will take notice. You bore. cheap raver
Immigrant grinders and hoverers. there should be shooting control at the borders of Dover

sometimes with all arms and legs flaying I should've punched a scum good & hard

no mistake


when ex-boy becomes stalker

i don't speak, text and talk to him

get the message

i don't want to speak to you

its got to that point where by texting me its not a casual affair anymore

more squirmy and demanding

fuck you fuck you fuck you

he cried when i told him i was dating someone else and as he knows I have broke it off, he is even more eager.

now he's in the area

'i'm in london'

i'm doing nothing. not going to give him any hope.

move along


i had a huge beef steak for dinner

i detest beef

i don't understand people who eat blue, rare & medium rare

ok ok for the taste qualities yeh

but honestly blood does not taste that better

its like eating with a nose bleed

i prefer if it was barbequed burnt black


i don't really care that its a fashion food faux pas

it's sick thinking of the idea of eating raw flesh

i hate meat in general

vegetarianism is a lifestyle but not something i adapt to

I don't like the thought of eating meat

you make me laugh

humour me

she took giant shit on my face literally



what's the matter with you


gym culture

feeling a bit spongey in places

eating more more healthy

need to battle the fat

dance it off

move it off

eat it off


I just rolled out of bed

my brother just called me crack head

I wanted my nose pierced since the start of 2 years ago

it was such a perfect time because i'm not around family

blissful freedom

now how do i get it done and disguise the piercing while living at home

my dad is a traditionalist, he'll flip!

military operation planning

Tuesday, 15 December 2009



not a good idea that i can't get to sleep i've stumbled on listening rave roll

Ministy of Sound album // Creamfields album



Faithless is on

definitely not going to sleep

so horny for a rave



ehm still deleting some what the fuck songs on my itunes

all the name for a faster running laptop


ORGASMIC tunes that i hold that i have forgotten about

Rikkalicious // Herve & Kissy Sellout

don't let the naff song itle throw you off

so good

no drugs could possibly make me feel this euphoric

you know when you listen to one song and it jumps you to want to be at a venue 5am getting your groove on seek a fit guy finally from the mass of dick heads that you have been elbowing all night to back off, what the fuck are grinding me for at a rave you wanker, move. Finally you think fuck this shit, hold the fit guy and finally lock lips and the best tune is beating in the background and in that moment you could fuck the pants off him. The strobe lights hitting left right centre making you trip from the immense feeling.

should've got his number
shit happens

groove ii

Do it again // chemical brothers


Monday, 14 December 2009


how much is too much

with the festivities going on

the foodage is not going sparingly

overdosed on tangerines and mince pies

4 x tangerines
3 x mince pies

thats per day

need to keep my body trim

extremely risky season to be joyous with food


well how do i explain this

I may be happy smiley for the first time in ages

the f.buddy is back soon from abroad, however he's north and I am down south

a part of me wondered would he make the effort to see me, if not it would've made me feel like a failure and the past couple of years are over, also considering i turned him down last time.

I'm surprised that the tradition is still on

lets see what happens

its good to be loved in some shape or form right?

by the way

i have just awoke from a mammoth coma nap

one of them where you have to use every muscle power in your body to prise your eyelids open

now i'm fully alert and thinking shit

how am i going to sleep tonight


why do people stand on there bed with their shoes still on

especially on the pillow

the pillow that your going to be laying your face on??

there was a time I went a date without knowing it was a date

but basically he liked me more than I realised and kept meeting me & picking me up after work

the deal breaker was his shoes anyway, (actually they were trainers, gasp) because definitely always judge a person by their shoes even girls too for their character

anyway it was like 5am and we were chilling and I was explaining to him this band

Kitty, Daisy & Lewis band would sound good in his car, he drove a dove grey Figaro

So then next thing i know, he swivelled his foot intact with shoes towards my pillow

horror horror wince

I said it
it was desperation and told him to take his shoes off first or I would gag and vomit

he removed his shoes

still proceeded to swivel his foot with socks (vom) on my pillow


i die

can you imagine how i tried to get him to leave at 7am in the morning, after he waited around to pick me up, the drive home for him is really far away too.

Of course I am human and naturally felt bad

but naturally
the feet on the pillow was too much


new songasm

Northern Spy // Roofwalkers


one trouble

I can't find the song anywhere

but the rest of Roofwalkers songs are amazing

like like like

Sunday, 13 December 2009

fuck buddy

and he returns

not so much optimism, but more like an expected tradition without fail


item No. iii


london business men finishing work to head to a rave after

is this normal thing to occur in Ldn???

plus, they rave good with their Hacienda moves & grooves

Banker by day
Raver by night


my life revolves around slimming down my thighs


i have only just recovered the last 36 hours of the events with a massive coma nap

so start 8am wakeup to begin my shop around

my purse or should i say my card got absolutely abused hard

shopped hard spent hard i cant emphasize this enough!

and then to the sample sale at the end of the day which i grimaced the thought of buying more

more pain to the credit card

but the collection was beautiful and one of them 'its a one-off, no one else will have it, i'm getting this for a bargain price, the jealousy of people wondering where can they buy it' therefore good reasons to buy it!

mine mine mine plus i don't have to lose sleep over it

after the intense shopping i met up with my friend and headed to see The Chemical Brothers dj

Raved hard

and i mean cardio-military style raving till 6am

my knees are all creaking and sore from that night, for chemical brothers its oh so worth it

i met someone, lets call him Hugo nothing serious but happy

and some twated girl tried to steal my belongings including my bag, she got very flustered when i told her to hand it back over.

not clever just retarded

the music was euphoric really need to track what they played

immense immense immense

i think i have withdrawal symptoms

Thursday, 10 December 2009


one last thing

life thinking

has gone over board in the last week(s)

lets lift it and make it a fun living alas


nightios amigos

night time mellow tunage

everywhere // fleetwood mac

also check vampire weekend's cover

i like the band and all


the cover is no different and nothing special, a bit of a farce


more space to the hard drive




floored after the all-day shopathon

it was hefty

my knees

the pelvis

and shoulders

creaking and crumbling

sheesh i havent even hit my 30s yet


its all good

all-day shopathon round II

+ sample sale

+ + meet friend in London and head to rave

finish at 7am

meet my new cardio workout

fool to you cellulite


note. fucking private number calling 3:29am can't believe i hesitated about answering it as I cant second guess who it could've been. Afterall, there are numerous texts that i forget to reply, im am an absolute shit, so possible angry friends. Still check the time.. stalker. Definitely maybee

Tuesday, 8 December 2009


food maths

its after night

2 x tangerines
1 x apple

healthy night snack that I'm hoping it will be good to me and not turn into cellulite

(not the thighs, not the thighs please)

hello wagonwheel chocolate rounded goodness

goodbye efforts of healthy night fruit snack

all day shopping tomorrow

cardio workout

i win!


i hate people who wear vivienne westwood's perfume

Label chasing smell wearer

the face doesn't suit the smell

really off putting

i wish you wouldn't ruin this

just saying

maybe stick to your dkny's

Saturday, 5 December 2009

ok go


lets make life more interesting

no excuses

the majority of my itunes is the picture to my previous social life

need to make it apply to this social life that i will create

go go go

Friday, 4 December 2009

i discovered something that changed my perspective

i am surprised that passing people that have come into my life to know they take medication for their mind threshold and complexities.

as in they are mentally retarded a word people cannot gage with the deformities and cannot control the realities in life and use chemicals to hold them in place. Its strange that, when you think about this in depth.

sometimes i wonder how does my thinking develop, although I have serious skeptic thinking series where it divulges into the anomaly where it becomes so unexplainable I feel that it runs parallel to the trippy disfunctional memories that traps me immediately and i see this in some people and connect with them on a paranormal level.

to be be honest, in black and white i think i'm fucking mental after reading this back as would you all, but when you voice this out, its crazy to read what the mind thinks.

a load of bullshit.

back to reality.

its raining really heavily outside and it's way into the late 3am zone and its blustering so hard you feel like the roof is going to be ripped right off. I like the sound how it makes you feel vulnerable but safe at the same time.

The weather is fueling my mood. Dark, miserable, grey and frowning. I'm really unhappy at the moment and just can't define why. Its just because.

I have so much work to do, I haven't started. I want to, but I just can't do it. I feel really depressed, angry and want everything else other than what I already have. To be happy. Nearly said 'fucking' happy but that makes me sound ungrateful and a bit of a prick.


morning glory // oasis


Thursday, 3 December 2009

night all

rah getting carried away with the sex space soundtrack

look at the time

Peace out




adore trice

if i was having sex

in space

in the 80s

St etienne //Spring (air france RMX)

would be playing in the background

just sayin




Rave this weekend at matter was suppose to happen

tickets sold out

whey for social life making a move

snail pace


Liking this

Bright Young Things // Albert Hammond Jr.

point: 2.29

kind of sounds like The Brunettes // Obligatory Road Song or vice versa

shit hungry night snack times want to



Got a song stuck in my head

Naff clause No. 2

I'm actually a bit embarrassed to list but its pretty groovy yeh

Owner of a lonely heart // Yes

80s funky beats

was deleting songs on my itunes to free up memory

my beloved mac has gone shit slow

but anyway first thing to go is all the songs I don't listen to anymore

It was un-nerving like shit what if I want to listen to that song again


It was brutal but now 522 songs lighter

Sing me to sleep

Sleep is the brother of Death


I salute you Morrissey

I had written a couple of posts about my fav tracks of Morrissey

writing a couple of verses


It was naff

Just naff