Go lucky

I applied for something* And they got back to me!! Fingers crossed I have the good news to share in good time.

On the up side I seem to be having a good time, things are more accessible, the skies blue and I feel at home.

The down times, I don't feel like me. Being here and with no string ties I feel abit lonely. The weekends are normally a blast and I'm always occupied.

A song came on the radio and I said no way this song is my friends favorite song, so estactic to hear it. Then it dawned on me, everyone I know are not here. I'm trying to cope with making new friends. Its really not easy compared to 5 years ago, such a given. I'm all grown up now and to get to know awkward adults and the middle age is tough.

However the friends and faces I have got to know, are amazing I think I'm just abit taken aback to have to 'start all over again' in some way.

Posh

Being around the posh (well I think it's posh) area of London, Kensington, Harrods and all that jazz. The kind of faces and the presence of people, the public are quite snobbish, upper-class, well dressed and probably stinking rich.

Note. One time I was running an errand, not sure what area it was but it was very posh. White tall houses, upmarket shops and the immaculate hub of people. So yeh, I went into one of them skin treatment shops looking for products. Its the wierdest thing seeing two tall arab ladies, downed in black garments and looking like something out of the film 5th Element. I noticed this sheepish looking man enter the shop aswell and thought oh okay, he's probably looking for a present for his wife or something.

Weird, it turns out that its the two tall arab ladies bodyguard. How surreal. In that moment I felt so endangered and un nerved.

So anyway, the point was I have noticed that the 'stylish' women seem to be observing what I wear. Interesting. I can see there eager eyes fixed on certain item that I'm wearing until we cross out of vision. Interesting.

** sigh just got a call from intern (on my day off, note) to go and pick up garments from PR company. Interesting, I get to see more places!

5 second rule

Sunday Funday good day and all round a good Sunny day. Things are looking up, i had a productive day today, no aggravations just a really mellow day.

Back to interning tomorrow, will see what ventures I get up to tomorrow. Last week was pretty up and down, I was the fashion runner picking up garments from really posh areas in London. Its amazing what streets I've discovered and familiarizing myself with London I can find. On the down side at the momento I don't seem to have many jobs to do and it's starting to get abit boring.

Anticipating the manic rush that will come in the final weeks.

Pause

I'm listening to Fleet Foxes, winding down for bed.

I won't read a book to sleep.

No, not after last time, i got so submerged into the book and the adventures it unravelled and of course i was falling into the sleepy mode and the story effected my dream process. Did not like that because everything feels all very deja vu. (hate using that word, but at this very hour I can't think of a word best to describe so it will to do)

I feel as though my life has come to a stand still. I've become familiar with things all too very well, this bugs me. I need a challenge, I'm bored of myself. The Changes that have my way were exciting but now I've become comfortable. My heart doesn't race faster anymore and I miss this.

I need to figure out what my next step is. Pick up the pace a little, things are set in stone from mid-September, plenty of occupation. But the time now, where?

Also I'm procrastinating about getting my hair cut. Leave long and get a whole new hair style and convenience is good for time constraints. New hair cut, tackle it and get use to it. Change is good?

neither here nor there.

Another thing that is bugging me about me.

Relationships. I haven't exclusively ended a couple of relationships over the years, it was never serious and we remained friends. Its like they all synchronize in and out of my life. I never attached myself because of past serious relationships. Because if it's not the real deal why put myself through that dreadful time, when time turns bad.

In the last couple of years have been brilliant, the people I've met and how they made me feel. I don't know where this is leading but I'm pretty tired, think i'll call it a night.

'my friends on the atkins diet'

I have just discovered a new super food eatage!

Soya beans!

Dried and roasted, tastes like pistachio nuts! and good for you. With the weather now hot hot hot I've been obsessing about the diet because I feel like I'm getting too heavy to carry myself, for my type of frame anyway bit of a struggle really.

Another thing, in the daily London metro paper, i noticed in the food reviews about polenta wedges, fried. Must try them sometime.

I was having a conversation with someone and they mentioned their friend is on the Atkins diet. I was abit taken aback because really I thought dieting had fazed out and eating healthy had become the norm now. But thinking about this, I am very self conscious about things that are bad for you.

When I was little it was drummed in by my mum about healthy eating so I'm pretty glad that its no different to how i think now and don't protest it. When I was younger me and brother would fight over the broccoli and veg; me and brother would beg to eat microwaveable food because it was 'cool' from what we heard in primary school. Probably the only break through of bad eating we had were these dinosaur-shaped turkey drummers, but this was only acceptable because they were from M&S.

So anyway, now I can feel that I'm battling this mini bulge constantly, so many tasty treats and family dinners are so hard to turn down.

All in moderation maybe.

Bastard

I saw a bastard man shouting at his wife publicly on the platform

I minded my own business after feeling pretty good about myself because I bought 2 packs of these specific biscuits my dad liked to eat.

He was humiliating her almost like vengeance and the women stood 2 feet in front of him with her back to him, standing her ground. The man created this tension for all the other people on the platform to see and feel. Idiot. The women was so repulsed by him, from whatever snipes he verbally threw at her and she was so worked up with angst she didn't give him the satisfaction of showing her face to him.

The lady took the suitcase to her side and the man snatched back the handle, yanking back the suitcase taunting her, such a yob.

They got on the tube and he chose to get onto the other end of the carriage and peer at her and taunt her. I feel for the lady, she stood her ground and held her angst and feelings together

What a vile vile man. Repulsive and vile.

I hope i never meet a man like that

Lost sleep

I'm kicking myself because I keep thinking about these several items that I should've really bought when I went shopping.

Oversized tangerine orange canvas material with small black dots all over it

at a sample sale, these amazing waistcoats that were dapper and english eccentric with the silk back and choices of single down buttons or double breasted buttons and only cost a couple of bobs. Glorious

simple perfect gold 50's grip clip with a little small chain dangling across with distinctive retro black detail that would've held my tippet scarf in place

and then this simple glass trapment of a fresh daisy drop earrings, nothing too fussy kind of detail as usually fussy things don't work on me

i shouldn't really procrastinate about this because i turned my back to them, it was my decision. Although i really would like those items in my life so much, that I think just wait till I am next out shopping

it will be all straighten out in the end

Dad's downstairs swatting a fly

When I'm running up a huge flight of steps, I always climb them really really fast.

Like super fast.

I get the feeling someone is going to pull on my legs or is chasing me? so thats me on the Underground. As fast as I can, not minding people, but my own silly phobias of long flights of stairs.

Also have you ever looked back while you've been standing for ages on a really long escalators and looked down, and felt like that deep black hole at the bottom will suck you up if you lose your balance?

creeps.

Just had a nice cold glass of milk after a shower, mmm refreshing. Its going to get hotter soon which I am dreading, not a fan of the sun. I like being pale.

Is it weird that whenever you listen to any Smiths song you can sing along and know the words without realising? or like in Never Mind the Buzzcocks, in the intro's round when the intro kicks in, you already sing the first verses of the song

eyes all glazed over like glace cherries ^^

contemplating

I really want to find a job

A bar job preferably

I have a lot on my plate, as I'm interning for experience and knowledge, I don't get paid for this and think it would be good to get a job to fund the travel expenses and to have the money to spend.

Although I have interning, learning to drive and completing a sketchbook for a deadline. I'm just wondering whether I have time to fit a job in my schedule. I prefer to spend the money that I've worked for as its more satisfying knowing that I worked hard for it.

Interning takes up a whole day and I'm pretty much drained by the time I get home, although when I worked in a bar. It was the life and soul of me, interacting with people and being on my feet and the atmosphere is just incredible. I miss it alot.

As a bartendee I can be naturally happy and serving flamboyant punters, making cocktails and having a laugh with the bar staffs was one of my many happy times.

Interning, is not fun. I am dreading tomorrow because it is dreary and the other interns are becoming fed-up with studio assistants. I have made good good friends over there, but it is true. The work ethic is not good, which has made me realise why positions at the studio are not sought after and interns come and go.

I heard Massive Attack are djing for London Fashion Week

This is a massive incentive for me to stay, just not quite sure if I'll last.

Korean punks

A film i saw called Mystery Train

Quite a random film

Other films I really want to, so eager to see:

The September Issue

Adam

Paperheart

500 Days of Summer

Just a little reminder to self.

And the dvd i want to get back from my friend is "The Science of Sleep" it would be easier for me to buy it again from the shop but I think I've grown attached the dvd that I watched it from. I think it was the story of the film that's made me think pathetically about this, but it was a mesmerising film and it would be great to see my friend again.

my mum

I bought some pretty crafty items from shopping.

I adore shopping

The best form of exercise I believe fits me fine, I have an obsession with shoes and one point my mum made when i wanted to re-heal one of my treasured shoes.

You might as well buy a new pair of shoes for the price that your paying to re-heal your shoe

And I thought, excellent! A brilliant opportunity to buy a new pair of shoes, but then what about my trustworthy, comfy "needs repairing" shoes? I'm torn!

Thinking

Taste

I like to discover new things

Like Polenta

Its an amazing food. What is it? mash? pasta? cous cous?

Polenta is on the same wave length as to when I discovered Gnocchi for the first time! It's brilliant. With my japanese friend we went for Italian, I always decide to eat something from the menu that I haven't heard of, what's the point of eating something you are overly familiar with the taste and to be honest, you don't really get much joy out of it.

So i ordered this grilled Polenta and mushroom funghi sauce. I cannot remember the exact name of the dish, because the native french waitress put me to shame if I was to pronounce the word wrong she would probably spit in my food. So I simply just pointed to the meal, which was probably the politest way I think.

So nice, it was this not so over-powering cheese texture in the polenta, not soggy just the right consistency, so enjoyable with the garlic-y, white wine mushroom sauce.

This eatery was discovered somewhere near Aldgate Station and Brick Lane?

I think because I am still finding my feet around London, I don't tend to see signs and names. I just remember the scenery to get by, which i think is the best way because I lose my bearings so easily

mellow yellow

I am still listening to that song I listed in my very numero une post

chuft!

I suppose i have progressed in my music taste, nothing too pretentious to snub music just because its not in fashion. But opening up to uncharacteristic kind of noises.

écouter:

Paul Kalkbrenner- Square 1

Give it ago, I pretty much need this for hard times, mellow yellow times and the void times

Good stuff

Getting there

so lets see

I am now interning for an up and coming fashion designer

its intense

I'm re-assessing what I want to do in my life so hopefully this will be a good insight in my career, right?

it's quite nice to talk, see my thoughts and read it.

I'm getting use to the London Underground, pretty proud of myself.

I have a book to read for the tube aswell. Very fitting!

Haruki Murakami "Dance Dance Dance"

my second Murakami book that I'm delving into, my heart skipped a beat when I was shopping with my new-ish japanese friend (who has gone back to Japan now) on the underground and saw a girl rush past carrying his book in her under her arms. Pretty awesome feeling.

Awesome. I learnt the japanese word for that which i have forgotten? darn it

So anyway I read somewhere that Murakami's "Norweigen Wood" will be made into production as a movie. I'm so estatic about that and cannot wait to see it when it comes out.

3 years later on a Sunday 00:00

and so i manage to find my blog after 3 years

Its been a long time

abit nervous to voice my opinions if the world discovers to read this