times iii

entry continued by my talk of shivering

I consumed this substance in the toilets

after I halved it with my then-lover who had drove up to see me for our second meeting

everyone I knew was out that night

it was one of the best nights when you know everyone that it makes even the strangers become your friends

just one of them nights were everyone is feeling the love

for some messed up reason I left the club and went back to mine with my then-lover

I have a lot of blanks of this night

I feel really empty about not being able to trace where this time went and what happened

But I always think back to when I was shaking and shivering vigorously

the then-lover gripped me on both of my sides of my arms like I was a plank of wood

I lay there shaking convulsively and incoherently

I remember I just looked up to him and stared at his eyes

my body and the neck tensed up and froze but yet I was jittering uncontrollably

he lay next to me, with the duvet wrapped around me and hugged his arms across me

you have to stop this. listen to me just try

I have never felt so disengaged and the feeling I got was an empty shell. I remember thinking about what is this feeling, if theres one thing I need to understand is this and to make sense of how I have become to this state. Looking into the eyes of someone that is so worried and fearful of my life, I saw his emotion and heard his words to regain your senses and concentrate and come back to me.

in the morning i turned my head and looked at him

you was real scary lastnight

you was gone

your eyes

you probably should've died

you probably should've died

that was the feeling