Saturday, 21 May 2011

what the funk

I need to jot my thought down more often

kinda penting my brain up with too much fuzz

das ist nicht so gut


I have been battling highs and Lows of myself

I haven't been coping well after my grandads funeral in September 2010

[it's taken this long and ongoing]


making much progress with myself I do believe

it's not fun being sad

I'm not familiar with this feeling

I have found alot of 'self-discovery'-ing

I don't deal with Death very well
I hide sadness, I think it exposes the weak side to me which i detest
I have been denying myself of remorse
I stifle my cries and tears
I hate confessing my real real feelings
I try to present this politically correct self-being of normality
I beat myself up for what I believe is wrong when its actually ok
I hate to reveal that I have been self loathing
I am defensive to myself and lie to myself to kid myself until reality is a blur
I shouldn't keep striving for what use to be the former happy self
I need to realise time is a healer

I have accepted my Grandad has passed away
it should not be this dark
but in reflection
A celebration of his life overall

I still need to work on me
I am glad I am taking steps

every baby step is a huge milestone

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